Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Something special for you! Chapter 6

Down at the beachkiosk I bought a citymap and something to eat and drink. I sat down in the sand and started to search the map for the nearest animal shelter. Once I found it on the map I started to make my way to the shelter. It was a nice day, not too warm, not too cold. The sun is shining. Families are enjoying their time at the beach. Surfers their time on the board and the waves. I think I can see him again, but I am not sure.

On my way to the shelter I was able to take a closer look at the area I am living in now. Where is the supermarked, where is the farmers marked, where is the pet shop. I never had to shop for myself before. During my college years I simply went out eating and in my parent`s house we always had a chef.

I came by a small store. They had cookbooks in their windows. Maybe I should buy one?- No first to the shelter. I am adopting a dog. A friend for a lifetime. Somebody who loves you unconditionally. Exactly the way animals love.

I arrived at the shelter. A woman in a beige-green shirt with the print of the shelter on it came to greet me and to explain me how everything will work. After that we made our way to the kennels. Some dogs were barking, jumping against the kennels walls. There were purebred dogs and cross breeds. Who would buy a dog just to give it away after a while? Shouldn`t you think something like this through? Did I think that through?- Maybe my whole childhood was enough time to think it through. A Pitbull, a Boxer or maybe one of the cross breeds? I heared a very fine noise, nearly like a crying. In the last kennel he was. He should become my dog. An Australien Shepherd, as the woman explains to me. Approximately nine months, red merle, his name is Balu. He got abused by his former owner and because of that he has some problems with men which made him pretty unattractive for adoption. I didn`t care about that. There isn`t a man in the house anyways and so he could watch out for her. He was so beautiful. He was radiating joy and calmness at the same time.

“Would you like to spend some time with him outside, before you make your decision? He is a wonderful dog but he chooses his people himself.”

“Then lets` hope he chooses me”, I said with a smile on my face.

The woman went to get a leash and then brought Balu and me outside the area with the kennels. Balu started to sniff at me and then to slick my hand. At first it felt strange but after a while I understood that this was his way of asking to be pet.

When the woman, Tina, came back and I went back to the fence, Balu already walked by feet and didn`t leave my side.

“Looks like you two have found each other”, says Tina. She was very happy that Balu could leave the shelter, she just needed to get some papers and I would have to pay a fee and then we would be good to go. She gave me a package with Balus food that should last for the first week, a leash, a colour and some tips on dog care. She recommended also to visit a dogtrainer with Balu or to inform myself on dogtraining on my own, as Balu still needed some training. She also gave me the results of the last vet exam. Before I left the shelter with Balu she wished me a lot of fun with Balu. I thanked her for all her advice and went my way with Balu.

I chose the way over the beach again. Balu loves the sand. He was pulling a bit on the leash, but that was just pure joy. He jumped in a pretty funny way in the air with all four when the water touched his paws, but after a few times he got used to it. My bag just got heavier and heavier. With the leash in one hand and my shoes in the other I needed to take a break after half of the way. I sat down away from the crowd while Balu layed himself down right beside me. I drank a bit and had a few bites of the wrap that I bought today morning. Balu tried to steal something so I decided to give him some of the treats Tina had given me.

I just couldn`t stop to adore the surfers. How quick they reacted to the movement of the waves. How easy they made it look. I could sit here all day but during the afternoon some of the stuff I ordered online, while I still was in hospital, will get delivered. So after my little break I started to make my way home.

As usual I walked into the house through the back door. Balu was sniffing around the house and I let him. I filled a bowl with water and put it on the floor for him. I noticed how he hided in the bedroom and I let him. I wasn`t in the mood to go out and buy any furniture, decorations or toys, beds and general stuff for Balu. So I decided to sit down and make a list of things that I will need so that I could order them online once my notebook arrives with the stuff from my parents` house. The house I will never ever enter again.

I thought I had seen a paperstack and a pen in the kitchen drawer. I had to search a bit until I found both. I sat down in the armchair in the living room. Right in front of the window. I thought about what I needed the most. First, I wrote down a bed for Balu and toys as well. I also wrote down brushes and shampoo. After that I wrote down some basic stuff such as: a broom, a vacuum cleaner, kitchen towls and towls. After I had written down all these things, I remembered one thing that I have forgotten on the list. Paint. Paint for the floors and the furniture. I just had to decide on the colour.

After that I noticed that Balu has found his spot beside me. I made my way into the kitchen to show him his bowl with water. I took another glass of water myself before I decided to go into my garden to wait for the delivery of my stuff. I don`t want any strangers in the house. Didn`t want to put Balu through any stress. He should get used to his new home and situation without any stress and pressure.

In todays delivery there will be my clothes too. Not the funny dresses. My real clothes. The clothes I hided in the blanket box at the bottom of my old bed. I also ordered a sauce pan and tableware, as well as blankets and some books. My notebook was on top of the box with the clothes. I took it out of the box and started to order the things from my list.

Before I shut down my notebook I have learned a lot about do it yourself and crafting. I decided on painting the furniture white except of the kitchen fronts. I would paint those in a light blue that reminded me of the ocean. I did order all towls in white and light blue, same with the vases.

I took Balu on the leash and went with him and one of my new books down to the beach. First, I went to the kiosk again and ordered a salad with some chicken. Then I searched for a trouble-free spot at the beach. Balu layed down beside me and started to chew on his chewing bone. While eating my salad I stared on the ocean. To be more exact on that one surfer. The surfer I had already seen yesterday. I cannot tell why but somehow he was different from the other ones. He looked so free on his board, totally by himself. I put the rest of the salad in my bag, took my book out. I opened it on the first page, but just kept starring at the ocean, at that one surfer.

It was nearly dark when I decided to take Balu and go home.
A few days later my other orders got delivered and I started to paint the floor immediately. After that I would paint the furniture before I would start to decorate.

My days were pretty much all the same. I still couldn`t sleep well so I always woke up early and went with Balu to the Beach to have my Breakfast. He got used to his home really fast. He loves the beach and he follows me all around. I was a little bit afraid of leaving him home alone, so I bought a book on this. I practiced with him every day. When we came back from the beach in the morning I started to paint the floor right away. I left a gangway in the kitchen out, so that I could still walk through the kitchen to the back door. It looked stupid but one evening I would paint that right before I would go to bed. During the late afternoon I always went down to the beach with Balu to look at the surfers.

I haven`t calles Liz again, yet. I had to figure my future out myself. Liz is probably worried as I have become so introverted. But at the moment I wasn`t in the mood for any contacts, sometimes I do not even want to leave the house.

My publisher has granted me a reprieve due to the circumstances. My last book is still getting sold pretty well, although I am not as happy with it as I wish to. So that is how my days look like. Until that one day. That day when I stayed a bit longer at the beach with Balu. That day when I went shopping after that trip. From that day on everything would become different. Everything would change.

Monday, September 28, 2015

Going to the zoo!

Hi everyone!

So a few weeks back I went to the Zoo and needed as usual some time to process it.
I am often feeling ambivalent about Zoos.
On the one hand they teach us a lot about animals on the other hand aren`t these animals able to live in peace in their natural habitat.

But the zoo I went to has mainly local animals living in very big areas so I thought it was okay to go there.
Well it is a nice park to walk through but if you expect to see animals when the areas they give them are so wide you will pretty fast notice that your expectations are too high.
They had a kids zoo and a farm which was great. We saw some animals as you can see in the pictures below.

You could walk through the areas where they were and touch them if they came or feed them with food that you could buy at the entrance. Which was really great for kids. But when it came to the other animals we had chosen the wrong day. The sun was pretty strong, it was hot and they were hiding in the woods. So we rarely so any other animals and walked the long distance in the sun through the park which was a big minus. The feeding hours for the animals were informative but by far not as good and interesting made as in the bigger zoos I have been to in my life.

So would I go to the zoo again. I would probably go to a zoo again although I still feel ambivalent about them, but I wouldn`t really go to this zoo again.
It was a nice trip in the sun and we had great fun with the animals we saw and I am happy they live in a big habit and have the space they need. But I could have imagined doing something else that day.


Friday, September 25, 2015

Something special for you! Chapter 5

Today is the day. The day I will be released. Released from hospital, into a new life. I have been very silent the past couple of days, barely spoken a word. Liz seems worried and Doctor Morrison seemed to dislike my behavior as well.

I had to promise him to think about a therapy as well as coming to all of my follow up check -ups.
I bought one of the white wooden houses, I have signed the contract three days ago. On the same day I have signed the contract to sell the family business. I am happy to leave the hospital but scared at the same time. I am sad that Liz won`t be there every single day, although we will stay friends. But how everything will go I can`t say, nobody can.

Today is the day I was looking forward to, but I am also scared. Today I will move into my new house, that I have so far only seen from the outside.

“Promise me to take care of yourself and if there is anything, call me. And don`t forget to invite me to your housewarming party.” Liz interrupts my thoughts. “You got this.” Liz concludes and gives me a hug.

“Thank you Liz for everything.” I took a big breath in. “ I got this.” Liz pushes me into the taxi, closes the door and leaves. She hates farewells just as much as I do.

There I am. Standing with my bag in front of my house.
I make my way through the garden to the back door. I open the door and step into the kitchen. The kitchen was small, but for me it will be big enough. I do not even know how to cook so, it shouldn`t be a problem. I like the old wooden floor. It is in need of new paint but basically the whole house will be in need of that. I put my bag on the kitchen counter and start making my way through the house. The living room has two very big windows that give me a perfect view on the ocean. The waves, the surfers, the beach, all that was right in front of me. There was a couch covered by a big sheet in the living room, as well as a small table and two armchairs. I took another look at the ocean before I make my way upstairs. There is my bedroom with an even better look on the ocean. The lighting is just beautiful. The room is so bright. The old bed looked exactly as Liz described it, not to enormous, simple but beautiful. Liz had already been to the house as I had asked her to organize a new mattress. As usual Liz didn`t just organize a mattress, she had also thought of bed sheets which I found now on the bed with a little note, “ I hope you know how to put the bed sheets on..!”

I had to smile. There are also two dressers in the bedroom, matching the bed. I need to take another look on the ocean before I move on to the bathroom through the hallway. It was cleaner and nicer than I expected. White shiny tiles on the wall and a mosaic on the floor that reminds me of the ocean. In the middle of the room a free standing bathtub and in the corner a shower. The furniture looked as if they were matching the bedroom furniture again. From the outside she would have never thought, that this house was so nice. It isn`t perfect but it has a lot of potential.

I went back into the kitchen to get a bucket of water and a mop and started to clean the floors and the furniture. By the time I finished cleaning it has already become evening. I still haven`t eaten and my stomach starts to call for food. I open the fridge and notice that I haven`t bought any groceries yet and even if I would have, I wouldn`t know how to cook. I don`t have any take away flyers yet. I have just moved in.

I took my jacket and my keys and left the house through the back door. I walk towards the beach. When I drove by this road with Liz there was a little kiosk just down the beach. I hope to find something there. There were still surfers out there although the sun has started to set. I think I have seen one of them already in the morning, but I am not sure.

Finally I can see the little hut that I had seen when I drove by with Liz. There was a porch in front of  the hut and a sign at the entrance that names the dish of the day. I went in and ordered a salad some garlic bread and two bottles of water for take away and then I started my way back home.
The sun colours the water in a read that reminds me of fire. The colours of the sky are just gorgeous. And the surfers finally seem to make their way back to the beach.

I enter my house again through the backdoor. Put one of the water bottles in the fridge and then sit down with my salad and the other water bottle in one of the armchairs. I didn`t had a CD-Player or a TV yet. Most of my stuff is still in my old home. Maybe I should go and get them, it is so silent in this house. Just the sound of the Ocean and the cars that drive by. I am sitting there a little bit longer watching the ocean before I decide to bring the garbage outside and go to bed.

Liz was wrong to think that I didn`t know how to put the bed sheets on. I knew it exactly but there was always the problem with the blanket. I was simply too small to put it on with just one try. But in the end I made it. I was lying in my bed, listening to the sound of the waves, when the tears started to run. I can`t tell why. I was lying in bed awake until the next morning. I feel so lonely in this house. While having my breakfast I made my decision. I would go to the shelter today and adopt a dog. A dog I always wanted to have.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Book Review: Hemsley Hemsley The Art of eating well

Hi everyone!

Today I want to give you a quick review on the Hemsley Hemsley cookbook "The art of eating well".

Why did I buy it?

- I have changed my diet to glutenfree, sugarfree and cowmilk free. This cookbook is gluten free and sugar free. With the Paleo cookbook I already have I found it very hard to make cooking affordable, it contained a lot of meat and always a lot of ingredients on one dish and it took me hours to make my weekly meal plan trying to make it affordable. So I found this one at a book store, had a quick look into it and saw that it contained some cow milk products which made me a bit sceptical at first, but reading the recipes I noticed I could easily substitute them with goat milk, ghee, coconut oil etc. The recipes looked all pretty easy, quick to make (no hour long slowcooking recipes) and with not too many ingredients. Besides that everything looked and sounded very tasty so I bought it.

Did I read all of it?

-  Yes I absolutely did. I wanted to know what it was about, why they decided to cook this way, Tips and tricks. And I can say and promise that it is pretty informative and for me it was important to read it. I can highly recommend reading the section about the foods they use as it makes you more conscious to what you eat, what you are feeding your body and by that makes you more open to try new stuff such as chia, spirulina, matcha and so on. But it also brings you back to the basics. To eating normal whole foods no processed fast foods with tons of sugar and stuff you can`t even pronounce. So I really can just recommend to read all of it. Read the text to the recipes they somtimes contain helpful information on how to prepare your meal or which ingredient you might want to add in an addition, how to make your food last longer, etc. So definetly worth reading.

Have I tried it?

- Of course yes. I bought it, I went through the whole book and made my meal plan and I have tried it now for about 4 weeks. I also integrated the tip of drinking a glass of warm lemon water right after waking up, which I find really great and that I will keep doing.

What have I tried?
- I will answer this question according to Breakfast, Snacks, Sweets and Dinners and write a bit to the things I have tried so far.

Breakfasts: Blueberry Pancakes
                   - very very yummy. If with blueberrys, or just with organic chocolate chips, or cinnamon                        and maple syrup they just taste amazing and they are so easy to make. I still have                                flipping them but I can`t even flip a normal pancake without making it break soo I guess                     it is just me.
                 Buckwheat Porridge
                 - by far my favourite recipe for breakfast. It makes servings for the whole week, it tastes                        like milk rice if you top it with greek yoghurt and cinnamon and again it is so easy to                           make and prepare. I make it in a big container and then take a Tablespoon of it every                          morning and mix it with some boiling water and a bit of coconut oil and  it is all smooth                      again. It is also great with nuts or seed and blueberrys as a topping.
                 - the texture of the amaranth was a bit strange for me at first, but I topped it with greek                          yoghurt and a rasberry sauce and it was amazing, and again easy to prepare if you keep                      in in a mason jar you can just take it with you to work or school and it is just great.                             Makes a lot of servings, as it is very filling. We basically had 16 servings instead of 10                         because we found it that filling.
               Acai- Berry- Breakfast Bowl
               - the taste was amazing. But I must say I only made it once for three days because the                            ingredients are pretty expansive and I do not find it as filling as the Porridge. I also find it                  not as easy to store and carry with you as the porridge or pancakes. But definetly worth                     trying.
               Chia Chai with Pumpkin- Breakfast Mousse/Porridge
              - absolutely not my thing. My mom says it is delicious. But I just do not like tasting the Chai                   with the pumpkin and the chia seeds. But for those who like it, it is easy to prepare, makes                  about 4 servings, if you layer it with greek yoghurt in a mason jar as my mom does it, you                    will have 8 servings, so she goes with half the recipe for 4 days, as we do not like to store it                longer.

Dinner:  Broccoli Pea Soup
                - My absolutely favourite soup of all time. I have never had a more filling soup. I have had                     it when I was having a bit of a cold and it was so great. It tasted (normally when I have a                    cold nothing tastes) and I believe it cured my cold because it was way better the next day.                    Makes about 6 servings. Easy to make, easy to store, topped with parmesan it is simply a                    dream.
               Zucchini Salad
               - fast, easy to make and just yummy.
               Zucchini Fries
               - best vegetable fries I have ever had, easy to make and very filling, I use the recipe for one                   person for both, me and my mom.
               Black Bean Feta Burger
               - with these I could have needed the hint of not using Feta that is in salty water, as with the                    dry tomatoes they turned out pretty salty, but they were still delicious.
                Shepherds Pie
               - I love this, I have never had Shepherds Pie before, but this is just soo yummy. It is a little                   bit more work than some of the other dishes I have tried so far but still easy to make and                     again we had more servings than they measured.
               Broccoli Patties with Avacado Dip
               - very tasty not a lot of work, easy to transport, taste cold as well, very filling again.
               Kohlrabi Gratin
              - Very great to meat, filling, easy to make, easy to freeze.
               Beete Root- Goat cheese Terrine
               - not so my thing but tastes better with every day that it stays in the fridge. Easy to make,                        easy to store, easy to take along with you.
              Socca Pizza
               - not so easy to make for me, but pretty yummy. Definetly had some oil to the dough                                otherwise it was too dry.
Snacks: Sticky-Toffee Pudding
                - will convince all doubters, just sooo delicious that everyone will like it

What is my conclusion?

- My conclusion is that it is one of the best cookbooks I have ever bought. It teaches you about what you eat, how to prepare and store your food and how to combine ingredients. All the recipes are fast and easy to make. You can basically store everything. Compared to paleo the recipes aren`t expansive to make and you can find most of the ingredients here in Germany as well. Compared to the Paleo cookbooks I have the recipes aren`t too exotic which is also a plus.
I really love this cookbook and can highly recommend it.

♥ For this book.

Do you have this book? Have you tried any recipes yet? Do you think about buying it? Let me know in the comments below and see you soon.


Monday, September 21, 2015

Something special for you! Chapter 4

Doctor Morrison agreed that I could leave the hospital for a few hours together with Liz to and that is why we are now on the way to my house.

It looks exactly the way I remember it. At least that hasn`t changed. Everywhere dark wooden walls. Everything is swanky big. As before the accident I felt like drowning in this house. As if I already were in an old rotting coffin.

I went into my room. And although I am twenty five years, this room still looks like the room of a little princess. My Mom had chosen this interior when I was younger. I begged her to change something but her answer remained the same “This room is everything a girl dreams about”. All girls except of me. Rose was and still is absolutely not my colour. Nevertheless, the curtains were rose and heavy. The walls were rose except of the wooden elements they were of course from the dark wood that was all around the house. The carpet was rose as well. Fluffy and rose. God how I hate this carpet. The bed was enormous. I can still remember how lonely I felt in this bed. You can roll exactly three times to the left, to roll back six times to the right before you fall out of the bed. It was simply enormous, I cannot find another word to describe it.

I opened my wardrobe, my real wardrobe not my secret wardrobe, how Liz called it when she went to got me a few things for the hospital a few weeks back. Liz had to laugh, when she saw the clothes in my wardrobe. “So you like highly closed dresses with polka dots on, preferably in white and rose?”- she tried to cheer me up. But I didn`t react. I hated this dresses too. Day in day out I had to wear this dresses, close your legs when you sit down so nobody could look under your skirt. Use the swing as a kid. But not in a dress, it could have become dirty.

Damn it I was grown up and let myself force to wear clothes I didn`t even like. But this would belong to the past now. Nobody could force me any longer. Nobody was there to do so. I took one of the stuffed animals from the bed. It was a dog that my mom had given to me, to compensate for the real dog I wished for. Because a real dog would have never come into my parents house. A dog could have made a mess. Could have thrown down one of the expansive sculptures and break them. No nothing that could have made a life sign was welcome in this house.

“I do not think that I can live here. I am tired. I want to leave.”- I hear myself say to Liz.

“Because of an accident….is closed, it causes….a lot of traffic jams, please drive around…..the city center if you can”- Liz radio struggles with the reception. Liz turned onto another road before we could make it into the city center.

“We drive around the city center. Then I can also show you the bakery where I always buy our breakfast.”

That`s the best idea Liz has had in a while. Now I could finally see some other parts of the city I have lived in my whole life. Between the small white wooden houses I could see the ocean. I open my window to hear the sound of the ocean which is just calming me down.

The houses look simple. Some less looked after than the other or some more looked after than the other. I do not know from which perspective to view it, but I liked it. It was just so unique, exactly what I needed.

“Is it far to the café?”- I asked Liz out of the nowhere, after she hasn`t said a single word for the whole drive.

“It is close to the hospital, so maybe about twenty minutes. Do you need something to eat or drink? I could stop any time and get you something.”

“No, I am fine. I just thought maybe we could stop and eat some cake?”

“Cake? You? What do you really want?”- asked Liz confused.

“Okay,  I wanted to look if they have a newspaper with a real estate part and I finally wanted to try the chocolate cake you told me about.”

Liz had a big smile on her face. “ Newspaper? With a real estate part? Don`t you want to call a real estate agent instead?”

Liz seems blinded by the impressions of my home.

“I doubt that a real estate agent offers the house we just drove by.” I answered her with a skeptical look on my face. Liz look was at least as skeptical as mine, but she didn`t said a word.

Good. A few weeks ago I wouldn`t have seen myself living in this area of the city but somehow I had this feeling, that it was the right time to do so, even though it was crazy. This white beach houses with the ocean right behind them just had a calming effect on me. Silence was exactly what I needed. Time to think about everything. Time to find out what I really wanted in life.

It was unbelievable noisy in the café. So many people talking at the same time. The sound of the espresso machine. The smells.

“Shall we take the cake with us to the hospital? We could sit down in the Park? Then you could read the real estate market?!” Liz was looking at me worried.

“Yes, that is a great idea. I also have to make some calls.”

Sadly we didn`t make it to the Park because Fitzgerald was awaiting me in front of my room. I know I was rolling my eyes when I saw this greasy kind of a lawyer, but why not. It saved me a call.

“Shall I…”

“No Liz. Someday I would have needed to do this anyways, so why not now?” We passed Fitzgerald who followed us without asking.

“You inherit everything Emma. The house, the money, the company, and we need to make preparations to not lose the company. We can`t waste any time now. We cannot sit in the Park day in day out and inhale fresh air, we…”

And bla bla bla was all I could think. Yes I am fine. Thank you for your condolences. But what did I expect, the guy was just greedy. I could see the dollar signs in his eyes.

“Make a break and take the time to breathe, not that you asphyxiate. First of all, since I inherit everything I dismiss you from all of your services. Second, I will sell the company, my lawyer will take care of it. And now I am asking you to leave this room.” I exhaled loudly. Puh, it is done. I said what I wanted and needed to say. Now I just need to find a new lawyer that that took care of the company. Maybe I would also sell the house, then Fitzgerald could move in there. Fitzgerald left my room angrily.

“I assume you need cake now?”- Liz was looking into my room. Looking proud and worried at the same time. I nodded.

“Now I do not just need the real estate market, but also a new lawyer.” We both broke out in laughter.

Friday, September 18, 2015

Allergytested or not really? Clinique Take the Day off vs. Dermalogica Precleans

Hi everyone!

In todays post I want to talk about so called "allergytested" products.

As I have very sensitive skin I always used to go with allergytested products as I felt save to go with them until recently.

So lets talk about what happened. Beginning of last winter I started to use the Clinique take the day off make up remover. This product needs a good shake before you use it as you otherwise just get the oil that will be on top and then you will just be left with the waterbased part at some point. You need to use it on a cotton pad to apply it. Now what I usually did is divide the cotton pad, so that you have two thin cotton pads. Then I divided on of them again to have one half for the area under my eye. I then put the make up remover on it and put the small half under my eye, the big one over my whole eye and then gently pressed on it and waited a few seconds until I felt it had soaked in, I then gently "rubbed" the bigger pad down and took it off with the pad under my eye. Usually that took most of the eye make up off. I then washed my face with my usual clenaser twice. First time to get rid of the make up second time to make sure all the make up was really gone. Until recently as mentioned above. After using the take the day off make up remover for a couple of weeks I noticed my eyelids were getting pretty dry and sensitive, I blamed the dry air and the rough climate of the winter for that and didn`t thought any further about this. By then I had started to try my starter kit by Dermalogica and I saw a great change by using that. As the climate went warmer again and I decided to go into saving mode as the dermalogica products are really pricey compared to the clinique once I started the take the day off make up remover again and look there my eyelids went completely dry again and my under eye area too.
I already tried several creams again and again as I thought well clinique is allergy tested so it needs to be the climate or something else but not my make up remover. Convinced by that I kept using it until a few days ago when it burned so bad that I realised it is this "allergytested" product for a sensitive skin that actually irritated and dried out my skin.
(Note: My beautician explained me that the eye area is very sensitive and needs a lot of hydration and that the oil in this product might be contraproductive as it can dry out. But since the dermalogica precleans is an oil too and has never dried my eye area out we assume it has to be another ingredient which caused all this)

I then went back to using my Dermalogica Precleans. Now lets talk about this. The Dermalogica Precleans is an oil based precleans which simply is amazing. You apply the oil all over the face and can immediatly see how it breaks up all your makeup, when you then go in an massage it in further with wet hands (the precleans will now turn into a milky solution) you can basically see how you massage all your make up off. It is sensitive to the eyes and it takes all my make up off in once so when I wash with my face afterwards with the actual cleanser this is all about treating my skin .

Two things I do  not like about both cleansers is the packaging. I found with the Clinique one that either you have to place the cotton pad on top of it and then shake or if you try to put the make up remover on the cotton pad you might loose some product that spills off.
With the dermalogica one I find that when you turn it up side down to get the oil on your hand and then put it back up you will loose a tiny bit of product too that will run down the bottle. But maybe that is just me who prefers a pump.

So all in all I have learned that "allergytested" doesn`t mean you are served when you have allergies, you should still try to test on yourself and as soon as you feel irritations not believe that it absolutely cannot come from the allergytested product. For me this has shown that nothing can be really "allergytested". So make sure to not blindly trust products that are marked with that. Everybody is different and as long has they haven`t tested that on every single one of us it just can`t be 100% allergytested in my opinion and experience.

Clinique Take the Day off vs. Dermalogica Precleans 

For me although it is way more pricey but since it breaks up all the makeup with one application (so you only need a little bit of product, which justifys the price) Dermalogica Precleans clearly wins. My skin is so soft after using this product, it never dries out and it doesn`t leaves an oily film although it is oilbased. Simply love it and found my favourite.

What is your favourite make up remover for sensitive skin and sensitive eyes?


Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Something special for you! Chapter 3

Four weeks have gone by since I woke up. I do not feel any pain any longer at least no physical pain and I can finally walk again without any help.

We have spent every day in the Park for the last two weeks. I still do not remember the accident. Doctor Morrison offered me again to consult a psychologist but I turned down his offer as soon as he mentioned it again.

My parents funeral had already been while I was still in a coma. Our family lawyer had arranged it that way. I didn`t even got the chance to say goodbye. But I have always disliked this Fitzgerald. A smarmy guy, who always prides himself with being a member of the family, just to polish his image. I never understood all the fuss they make about it. How should one become happy by measuring their wealth compared to other peoples wealth? But maybe I am just as naiv as my father always said.

Lazy and naive because I didn`t wanted to work in the family business, at least not on his terms. No, I had to choose the unworthy job of an author. I still remember his preaches when I told him decided against studying economics and went with creative writing, but why should I. I will never ever again here one of his preaches. I will never ever again be able to ask my Mom to say something about it. My parents were dead and I did survive and as Liz always told me everything happens for a reason.
For what reason all this happened is something I can`t figure out right now.

“Fitzgerald is outside again asking Doctor Morrison when you will be fit enough to talk to him.”- Liz whispers while she sneaks into my room. “I but our breakfast in lunch packages so if we do hurry we might actually make it to the park before Fitzgerald can make it to your room.” Liz was sometimes like a child, but right now I needed this. I couldn`t bear to hear Fitzgeralds whining about how he has lost two very good friends and the whole inheritance that would be lost in her hands. He wouldn`t earn a thing from her family from now on. So as fast as I could I put on my jeans and a shirt that Liz handed me from the dresser. Just had to put up my hair pretty fast before we made it out of the room and hurried into the park.

“Who is this Fitzgerald actually?”- was the first question Liz asked when we made it to our usual spot.

“He is our family lawyer…. and nothing more.”- My answer was short but included all the information needed. I helped Liz to serve the breakfast on the bench where we were sitting. The smell of the orangetea and the croissants makes me smile.

“And you do not want to talk to him?”- Liz keeps asking.

“Fitzgerald loves money, to be more concrete. Especially money which isn`t his. In one week I will be out of the hospital and they will read out the legacy…”

“And you think Fitzgerald wants a piece of the cake?”- Liz asks more curious than usual. Since she had been to my house to get my beauty case she had been fascinated by the wealth that was open to me. A big house with a Pool, a garden as big as a park. Everything that Liz will never have.

“Fitzgerald knows that I do not want the family business. He knows that I will sell it and he will try to convince me to keep it with all he has.”- I said while enjoying my croissant.
We never had croissants at home. They were making you fat. And a fat daughter was the last thing my father needed.

“But who is able to convince you that your choices are wrong?”- asked Liz and smiled. We continued eating in silence while listening to the sound of the ocean.

I love to hear the sound of the waves. It is so calming. The surfers on the ocean, free as the birds. Free from any expectations that anyone had. Free from my old life, although I still haven`t realized that fact completely.

“Liz do you think Doctor Morrison would agree on letting me go home tomorrow. Just for a few hours”- you could hear how insecure I was asking this question.

“You mean you want to see if you can still bear to stay there?”- How could Liz know what I was thinking when I asked that question? Was it because she had also lost both of her parents?

“Hmm, I think I should know where I am going to live once I leave the hospital.” Liz nods understanding what I mean and how I feel.

Monday, September 14, 2015

My Favourite Lipsticks/Lipcolours

Hi everyone!

Today I want to talk about my lipsticks and lip butters, some favourites some not so favourites. All of them have their pros and cons. So lets take a look at them.

Benetint Lip Balm by Benefit - this lip balm is great especially if you want one with a little bit of colour. This red is not too strong or dark. But I think it is discontinued by now. I definetly think you will find a similar one that is cheaper and that will do the same job.

Soft Sensation Lipcolour Butter by Astor in the shade Hug Me - this is my go to when I go for a very natural make up or a no makeup makeup look, the colour is slightly darker than my natural lip colour and has a little bit of shine. I love that it is like a balm and that the colour pay off is pretty great. The price is also good and it is not having this strange smell.

Loreal Collection Privee in the shade Doutzens Nude - is a pretty cold nude pink. I find it slightly too pink for my lips and mainly use it as a stain and go over it with a little darker lipstick like the one by Astor or MAC`s Cosmo when I went them to look a little bit more pink. The smell is also not that much my thing and I felt that if I only use this lipstick it would dry out my lips, but somehow I like the combination of this one with one of the other lipsticks.

Rouge Volupte by YSL in the shade no.7 Lingery Pink - I was so much looking forward to this lipstick when I ordered it. The lipcare benefits are great and it is definetly longer lasting if you first apply it as a stain and then go over it for a second time. I do not know why I went with this shade though. It is pretty much Barbie Pink so when I use it I only use it as a stain and go over with either Hug me or Cosmo. The smell though is amazing and as I set the benefits regarding lipcare too. Colour payoff is also great, but next time I would definetly go to a store and try the shades on as I did with my MAC lipsticks to not spend that much money on a lipcolour that doesn`t suite me. Otherwise this one is really great.

Impassioned by MAC - I got this one this year for my birthday and it is my absolute summer favourite. As with every MAC lipstick longlasting, great lipcare, great colour payoff, but I still and always find the smell a little bit strange. But with all the pros and a great price for a great product I actually do not care that much about the smell.

Cosmo Amplified by MAC - My winter favourite for a stronger everyday makeup look. Same benefits as with Impassioned.

Ruby Woo by MAC - which is a Retro Matte red. I simply love it. It is amazing. It is the longest lasting lipstick I have ever had. I really need to use makeup remover to get it off. It is an amazing lipstick for a bold red lip or for a night out. Either way I love it. For me it is definetly not wearable for my everyday makeup looks but if you want to give it a go feel free to do so.

So these are my "favourite" lipsticks. I hope you enjoyed this post. What lipsticks are your favourites?


Friday, September 11, 2015

Something special for you! Chapter 2

Time for Breakfast”- I hear a friendly voice saying. It was Liz, coming into my room with my breakfast. The plate was full of delicious food. During the last two weeks Liz and I had become friends. We both were the same age. Liz had grown up with a single Mom. Her Mom had been a nurse too. She had worked double shifts, so that Liz could grow up in one of the better suburbs. But when Liz had just started college, her Mom died in a car accident on her way back home. She had fallen asleep behind the wheel after a forty-eight hour shift. After that Liz had dropped out of college and started to work as a nurse.

I can`t remember the accident and Liz isn`t pushing me to talk about it either. She is always just trying to help me getting back on my feet. I woke up on a Sunday night. I try to push the shock about my parent`s death to the back of my mind. I can`t remember the night of the accident. Doctor Morrison had explained to me that this should be normal, especially if you consider my injuries. He had offered to consult a psychologist if I wished so, but I didn`t and still don`t. Maybe it is better this way. I won`t be able to change it anyways and I do not think it will help me, to know what had happened.

Liz had placed my plate on the table in my room. She went to get me my bathrobe from the bathroom “Today we are having wonderful weather and Doctor Morrison has agreed that you could go into the hospitals park. What do you think? You got a really nice view from the back of the park on the beach. It is a beautiful view. Would you like some tea to your breakfast? We have the orange tea I told you about. And I went by your place and got you some clothes and your beauty bag. We can finally take some care again of your beautiful face, not that you would need that. What would I give for these eyelashes?”

Liz is a real morning person. Although I am not her good mood is really spreading over on me. And with her friendly face and soul she always makes me smile.

“Slowly, slow down Liz. I am not that fit again. I really would like to try the Orange Tea. You really have a great taste when it comes to tea. You can go and get the tea while I will get ready in the bathroom..”

“You are really trying hard for a morning grouch. Are you sure that you do not need me to help you?”

“Yes you can go with me the three steps to the door if you want to, but I can do the rest myself. You better take yourself a croissant because I bet you didn`t had any breakfast.” I had already made my way into the bathroom and Liz was out the door to get the tea.

When Liz comes back into the room she immediately starts to laugh. I am sitting on my bad, with the brushhead stuck to my thick blonde hair, the brush handle in my hand and cursing silently. But as soon as I hear Liz laughing I need to laugh too. Liz carefully gets the brushhead out of my hair when she notices my tears. I was crying silently, but I was crying. Liz went on with brushing my hair before she got me a cotton pad to fix my mascara that had run down my cheeks. After that we sat down at the table and ate breakfast without saying a word.

“I want to go into the park. I want to see the ocean.”- I hear myself saying.

We both sat down on the bench Liz had told me about earlier that morning. We were sitting there all day in silence.

When we were back in my room in the evening we hadn`t talked much more.

“Thank you for being there Liz.” is everything I can say, before Liz ends her shift.

“You are welcome” is everything Liz can say before she leaves for the day.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Quality vs. Quantity! Finding balance

Hi everyone!

Today I want to talk about something my Mom teached me basically from a very young age and that is quality vs. quantity.
Being younger I never really understood this philosophy as as a kid I just wanted to have more and more and more and she was always saying no. Of course she wasn`t always saying no, but she explained to me that she would rather buy me a good pair of Jeans that I could wear for several years or give to younger family member than a ton of jeans that would break after a year. When I was younger it doesn`t made any sense.
Today it completely does. After working for my own money and seeing how fast we spend money I absolutely agree with her on this philosophy. Of course I said "Why listen to her on this, this is probably how old people see it" and I made the mistake to spend money on stuff that have less quality, especially when it came to clothes and food.
What I basically noticed is, that
a) I cannot wear all of this clothes (now this sounds strange for a woman I know, but it is just me being realistic)
b) I usually wore my jeans for 4 to 5 years before they broke or before they got the "very used" look and even then I wouldn`t throw them away but keep wearing them around the house for another 2 years, but with my new oh so cool cheap jeans and some of them weren`t even cheap they were just bad quality and bad produced they broke after a year or even earlier. So I had to spend money on them over and over again which annoyed me.
c) with food I tend to eat less when I eat "real" foods, and by that I mean food I buy from the farmers market, food I cook myself, so even when it is more expensive I spend less because I need less.
d) with sensitive skin I rather just have one high end foundation that doesn`t irritates my skin and makes it look flawless with one layer and using it a whole year, than layering a cheaper foundation layer over layer on my skin to achieve that and by that rebuy that cheap foundation every 3 months which leads me to the same price as with the high end one.

So the whole point I learned in my first 2 years being away from home was to not just spend my money on stuff I do not really need, but to look for quality. Look on the material look how it is sewed and rather spend 100 euros on a jeans than 50 and have that jeans for 3 to 4 years, than to spend 50 and be in need of buying a new one for 50 after a year and then again a new one for 50, you see how it sums up to being more expensive in the longer run. So I rather buy  3 high quality  outfits per year to the ones I already have, than buying new clothes every month and in the end spend more money that I could use for other fun stuff as traveling for example.

With food it is the same. I rather spend 6 euros on my meat than 1 and know that I have real meat on my plate, that is from a happy animal, no mass production and antibiotics (and whatever else) free. Same counts for veggies and other foods. Not does it just tastes better, but I also eat less and more conscious.

I know this isn`t the right philosophy for everyone, but I hope you can also see the benefits of it.
And of course if your skin looks fine with a drugstore foundation (and I know some of them have very great skin care benefits as well) go with that one, you do not have to go all pricey. All I say is look for quality not for quantity. You will throw away a lot of the stuff without even using it and I personally do not like to waste my money on that stuff.
How do you think about quality and quantity? Would you rather have a lot of stuff then just the stuff that you need but with a good quality? Let me know in the comments below and maybe we can discuss it.


Monday, September 7, 2015

Something special for you! Chapter 1

Harsh light, a big bang and then everything is gone. It is getting dark.

Voices. I can hear them. Why can`t I see? I try to open my eyes but my lids just seem too heavy. My mouth is dry, my throat too. My whole body hurts, feels like burning. What is going on?
“Hello?....”- I hear myself whisper. Well, is this croaky voice really mine?- I really need water.
“Hello?...”- I whisper a little bit louder but I am sure the voices still do not hear me.
“Water…” I try again, now loud and clear. The voices seem to hear me.
“Hello? Are you awake? Can you open your eyes?” I do not know the voice that talks to me. Where am I? A burning smell makes its way up into my nose. I know this smell. Is this maybe an antiseptic? Am I in a hospital?
Someone touches my hand, presses it and asks again “Hello? Can you hear me? Please open your eyes?” A glint, another glint, my eyes are just too heavy.
“Try again, you can, it is just unfamiliar.” I hear the voice nearly begging. A prickling in my arms and legs, a glint and another glint and then light. Harsh, blinding light, but I can see. I can see the face that belongs to the voice. A small, skinny woman that is smiling at me although she seems concerned at the same time. “Don`t be afraid you are in the hospital I will help you.”
I am still not in control of my eyes, right, left, up and down and then this blinding light. The woman presses a button. “I am Liz your nurse, I am going to help you. Don`t be afraid. I will just reduce the light a bit so that it won`t blind you.”
It is getting a bit darker which makes it easier to see and hold my eyes open. I can see the woman now clearly. She is young, maybe my age, she is wearing this green nurse clothes.
“Water?...”- my voice breaks. “Please?...”
“I will bring you a glas of water in a minute you just need to be a bit more awake. We do not want you to choke on water.” Liz smiles at me and strokes my arm. It prickles again. It is getting stronger and stronger the longer I am awake.
“Why a…I here?”- my voice breaks again, but before I can try again Liz answers my question.

“You had an accident. Don`t be afraid, you will recover completely.”

Heavy steps in the hallway. A man`s voice. Someone presses the doorhandle down and harsh light blinds me.
The man is standing beside my bed. He is probably older than I am but I am not good at guessing. But one thing is for sure if he completed his medicine studies and the years as a resident he either must be a genius or he is a couple of years older than I am. Morrison says his name tag.
“Hello. I have heared that you are awake. I am your doctor. Can you tell me your name?”
“Emma.”- I hear myself answer.
“Good, Emma. Good. I am Doctor Morrison.” He is turning to to Liz. “How long is she already awake?”
“I can`t tell exactly but about half an hour again, she asked for water.” I am listening to their conversation, interested. Doctor Morrison is looking at the screen beside my bed, then he turns to me.
“Emma, you have been in a pretty bad car crash, but you will recover completely. In a couple of weeks you will be walking out of here. You will return to your life. Liz here will be on your side every day, but today you should rest a bit more. We will do the necessary tests tomorrow. Oh and if you have any questions you can ask Liz. She will also bring you some water soon and if you want a yoghurt.”
“Thank you”- was everything I could say before Doctor Morrison left the room.

Liz came back to my bed with a glass of water. She put a straw in it.
“Here you have a bit of water. Please drink carefully.” She was holding the glass for me so that I could drink.
“Thank you”- my voice was clearer now, nearly normal. I asked Liz for more water and she immediately went to get me another glass of water.
Why was only Liz here? Shouldn`t my family be here? If not Dad than at least mom. Liz came back with another glass of water and I immediately drank it up.
After I was done I took all my strength and courage and I think subconsciously I already knew the answer to my question.
“Liz?- Why are you here and not my family?- Why are you sitting beside my bed, holding my hand, taking my fears away instead of my Mom? Where is my family? Did nobody inform them?...”
Liz interrupts me. “You shouldn`t get exasperated, Emma. I am here because you still need intensive care, that is all.”
“Please don`t lie to me Liz. Why are you here and not somebody from my family?”
“Emma you must promise me to stay calm. Promise me that?!”
“I promise you to stay calm, I just need to know where my family is.”
“Emma….your parents were with you in the car….they…they.” Liz needed to start over and over again until she finally told me “Emma, I am sorry to tell you that your parents died in the accident.”
Tears were running down my cheeks, my stomach and everything was just cramping up. “I….I…I…”
“It is fine Emma, it is going to be fine.” Liz strokes over my head and hugs me, holds me and calms me down until I fall asleep.

From tomorrow on everything will become different.

Friday, September 4, 2015

My DIY Blackhead Remedy!

Hi everyone!

Today I want to talk about a DIY Blackhead Remedy.
Now if you are one of the lucky persons that doesn`t have any blackheads this post might not be something for you. If you are like me and spend money on facial treatments to get rid of them or on facial masks especially for Blackhead removal you might actually like this post.

So I tried this method a few weeks ago after a friend told me about it and was very sceptical. Now I wouldn`t present it if it wasn`t helpful so it did a good job on removing my blackheads. But and I say this right in the beginning use a soft tooth brush for the brushing part and brush gentle. Now this should have been common sense but eventually I just picked an old tooth brush not watching if it was a soft, medium or hard one, which left me with some redness in the end.
But lets get right into the method I used.

First of all you will need very hot water and a cloth. Let the cloth lay in the water for a few minutes and then press it on your nose to open your pose. I went with 2 to 5 minutes.
While the cloth is in the water you can already mix the ingredients for the brushing part together, which are:

- 1 part natron (I used a teaspoon)
- 1 part of tooth paste (go with a paste that doesn`t has a too strong mint smell as it will burn in your eyes)
- a bit of water

blend these ingredients until you have a smooth consistency. Now after your pores have opened up due to the warm cloth, start brushing the mixture onto your problem area (in my case the nose) and brush a way but be gentle. You will notice that it is pretty cooling and that it is working deep in your pores. I brushed for about 5 minutes, than took it of with a cotton pad.
I could immediatly see that some blackheads were gone.

Make sure to wash and  moisturize your face afterwards.

As said I was very sceptical about how this will work with toothpaste on my nose but it did work and definetly saved me my monthly facial treatment. So I can recommend it, but use it with caution. Soft toothpaste, gentle brushing, moisturizing afterwards.
If you tried it let me know how you find it in the comments below and I see you soon!


Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Something Special for you!

Hi everyone!

So don`t we all have dreams?
One of my dreams when I was a teen was to become a writer.
I started to write down some of my thoughts and some stories early on but they were never seen by somebody else. Somehow I think I want to keep this dream a dream.
Now usually I would say dreams are there to become true but I haven`t found the courage yet to show a lot of the things I have written to other people.
So this spring I was joking around with a friend (Jenny) about why not to write a book and go for selfpublishing. Well I have written a story and send it to her and she liked it. But that story never made it being published by myself. So sorry guys I am so selfcritical and I so lack the courage to take that selfpublishing step.
But since the colder days are soon up again I thought to use my blog to bring it out. To show you what I have written, to share it with you and to hear your feedback. I know it won`t be perfect and it will probably not be something for everyone. I am far away from being professional in this and it is just something very special for me that I want to share with you.
So the way I thought this is going to happen is that every other post that comes out will be a chapter of my story. I won`t write anything special to it I will just post it chapter by chapter and when it is finished I would be happy to be able to make a post about how you guys liked it, what feedback I have gotten from you and if we maybe keep these blogposts up with another story.
What I of course need for that last post that will conclude this "Something special for you" - series is your feedback in the comments below. Write them under the chapter that is out and we can discuss them and I for myself can learn from them hopefully.

So I hope you will like this idea and stay tuned for this upcoming special for you!