Monday, November 30, 2015

Something special for you! Chapter 19


Did I really just invited him for dinner? In a restaurant okay, but at my place? Did I really just say that I wanted to cook? I mean I can`t really cook. I could have bitten my tongue for that, but now it was already too late. I would have to cook something, somehow. Maybe I could make him stay in the living room while I order something from the kitchen. But I knew that the possibility for making this work was pretty low.

I thought it was a bit strange that he stayed silent the whole time, that he didn`t say a word. Somehow he didn`t seem to found it as strange as the first time we met. But he will definitely find my cooking skills strange, because they are non-existing.

Before we went over to my house, he said that he just needed bring his board away, so I went with him. He put his board away in the beach kiosk I found that a bit strange. I mean who is storing his surfboard in a beach kiosk? But I didn`t want to ask.

The only thing I could think of was that I had to cook and that I didn`t know how to. We didn`t say a word on the way to my house. I have been grocery shopping, yes. I even bought a cookbook, but I totally forgot to take a look into it. In addition to that I was incredible nervous.

Once we arrived at my house we entered it through the back door. I guess that it wasn`t normal to enter the house through the back door when you are having a guest with you, but I was just so used to it. It was something I started back in the days when the media was waiting in front of my parents` house. It was also the best way to enter their house when I wasn`t wearing the clothes my mom had chosen for me or when I was way too late back home. I am still wondering how long it will take until the media finds out that I have sold the family business. If they find it out they will be probably standing in front of an empty house for a few days. Here nobody knew who I was and that is good.

Nobody who had any expectations on me. I could be who I want to be. I could do what I want to do and slowly find out who I want to be for the future. Because the person I had to be before the accident wasn`t me it was a person I had to be for my parents and I would never ever be someones puppet again. Love is too short not to be yourself, to do what is fun for you, to enjoy life without being judged for it.

Scott had taken his seat on one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Meanwhile I had taken of Balus harness and hung it together with the leash away. Coming back from the Hall I smiled shyly and opened the fridge. Hesitantly I started to take out some groceries: onions, apples, carrots, salad, potatoes, salmon, pineapple, bananas, cream, cheese. Once I turned my view away from the fridge I saw how skeptical he was looking at my selection, one eyebrow raised and a huge smile all over his face.

I raised my shoulders, embarrassed and set a helpless look on my face. This always helped me in my golf lessons when I had just hit the grass, or when the balls just flew into the middle of nowhere.

Maybe it would help me now as well. I started to take out the cutting boards, knifes and saucepans very slowly, because I didn`t really know what I was doing. Scott observed me doing what I did and was smiling at me very amused. `He is probably thinking that I am trying to poison him if I cook now` was all I could think of, but I smiled back at him. Once I had taken out everything I thought I would need and was ready to start to cook something really strange he asked me if he could help. I broke out in laughter, “Yes” I said and nodded relieved. Tears were running down my cheeks of laughter and Scott couldn`t leave it and laughed with me. He stood up from his chair, put the fruits on one cutting board and the vegetables on the other.

“I assume you wanted to make a fruit salad for dessert?- Or did you want to make an exotic soup?” he asked with a big smile all over his face. I had to start laughing again. I placed myself behind the cutting board and took a closer look at the pineapple. Then I started to search in one of the kitchen drawers for that cutter that I had also bought for the apples. While I was cutting the pineapple, apples and bananas very unprofessionally Scott was cutting the potatoes in very thin slices like a pro. Once he saw that I was done he took a lemon out of the fridge and pressed the juice all over the fruit salad.

Fascinated I observed what he was doing in my kitchen. He was making a cream sauce, how he added the cheese and put it all over the potatoes and put the form into the oven. Then he asked me to wash the salad and to cut it. While the potato gratin was cooking in the oven, he made the salmon with herbs and I was trying my best with the salad.

I noticed how much fun I had cooking with him in the kitchen. To do things that I never did before, to cook. Although he was the one that did the actual cooking part. After I finished making the salad, I started to set the table. I wasn`t sure if I should put up wine glasses or not?

We still haven`t talked much and I didn`t want to force it with alcohol consume. Besides I don`t really like the taste of alcohol and especially wine. I put a nice water carafe on the table looked at Scott and asked carefully, “Do you like wine with your meal?- I do not really know much about wine, but I still have a bottle…” I said smiling. I really did have a wine bottle at home, the one I got in the basket with the cheese plate. He smiled at me and nodded.

When I finished setting the table he explained me patiently that the potato gratin is made on another temperature than the salmon and that he will have to reduce the temperature on the potatoes before he is putting the salmon, in a baking foil, into the oven, so that both will be ready at the same time. I listened interested on his explanations. He would never die from hunger in comparison to me.

I had fun. The first time in my life I had really fun. I didn`t felt patronized, although he was telling me what to do, but he did that in a polite and unforced way. In a way that didn`t hem me.

Of course, he was watching me, but not to control me and to look if I am doing it right. No, he was simply just watching me. With his unbelievable blue eyes and smile, that expressed so much calmness and security. It weren`t just his eyes and smile that did that. It was his whole body, beginning with his shoulders, wide and strong, not too muscular, but absolutely perfect to feel protected. He was standing tall which made him look strong without being tense.

He interrupted my thoughts when he went from the oven over to the table to pour some wine into the glasses.

I obviously didn`t notice how he had taken out the food of the oven and placed it on the plates while I stared at him, because I just noticed that the he had already placed the plates on the table before he did pour the wine into the glasses.

He was standing right in front of me, smiling, pointing at the chair to show me to take my seat. I really sucked as a host, got completely lost in my thoughts while he was doing all the work.

“Ahh yes, sorry, I was…”
“…lost in your little world?...I could see that”, he ended my sentence, but didn`t looked upset at all, more amused. We sat down and started to eat.

“HMMM this is really delicious,” I hear myself saying. And it wasn`t a lie, it really was that good. It was a long time ago I had eaten that good tasting food.

He smiled at me again, finished chewing and then asked, “You have never cooked before, right?” The question wasn`t reproachful and I didn`t understand it that way either. It was just a logical conclusion drawing back to my selection of groceries and the fact that I absolutely didn`t know what to do with them. I laughed and nodded. Maybe I should have asked him where he learned to cook this good, but I would first finish eating this really delicious dinner.


Sunday, November 29, 2015

Christmas Season Special!!!


Hi everyone!

With Christmas right around the corner I wanted to give something special (and I do not mean my something special book series) back to you.
I want to share my christmas preparations with you.
This includes posts on Gift shopping, DIY Gift ideas, DIY Cards, Decorations, Christmas Dinner ideas, Favourite Drinks, Make Up Looks and so much more.

So these posts will come randomly so for this time the rule that every other post will be a Chapter of Something Special will not apply. So easiest is to sign up on the Newsletter, or to check my Bloglovin or Google+. If you do not want to do that: If you are in a week with only one Chapter of Something special (so a chapter that got released on a Wednesday) then there will be two Chapters in the following week (so Monday and Friday) the week after that will be only a one chapter week again (Wednesday) and so on.
So I hope for those of you who are reading it that you will keep doing so but I also hope that you will enjoy my Christmas Series.

I will definetly surprise you with some good stuff I am just saying "Caramel Marzipan Hot Chocolate" and "A day spa at home".
So stay tuned and I will see you soon.

♥Nadja

Friday, November 27, 2015

Stockholm Day 7!

Hi everyone!

So Day 7 on our plan for todays post. This post. On this day we had my favourite on the list and only that one thing, so we finally had some time to sleep in and relax.
So after breakfast we made our way to The Museum of Modern Art and since it was in the same building my friend also visited the Architecture Museum.

So on our way to the Museum of Modern Art we saw some really funny sculptures that showed us "We are on the right way". Once we were in the museum we got a free audio guide again (they basically had them everywhere you just need to ask for them and they are happy to hand them to you) and this time we had choosen english as we had figured the english versions contained more information than the german ones.
We spent about three hours in this museum. It was really hard to get me away from some of the Pop-Art works. I was really fascinated by a gigantic Heinz Ketchup bottle with red "ketchup" spills around...I know some of you might say now "And this is called art?"...but as with everything it is a matter of taste and interpretation.
Of course they had different art pieces and paintings from different epochs I honestly can`t tell any longer from which epochs exactly but the audio guide was a great help both in helping to understanding the paintings and the ideas behind them...sadly we didn`t got an explanation on the ketchup bottle.
So for my friend the sightseeing trip went on with the architecture museum while I was enjoying myself with a good book outside.

Once she came out of the architecture museum she had found a new object we had to visit. The Kaknästornet which is the TV/Funktower I think (honestly I am not sure what it is it basically just looked like a curled sausage). So once we found it on the map we made our way there, visited the souvenir shop which was quiet funny, took the elevator up and then down again. All in all we might have spent 5 minutes there. In my opinion it wasn`t anything worth seeing but he we all got a different taste. Maybe this was a modern art thing I didn`t get.

So from there we did the usual dinner and shopping trip and then went back to our hotel for a night in front of the TV.

Our last day we spent relaxing at a little beach spot where we went swimming and with shopping, so I won`t do an extra post on that (I hope that is fine).

As you can see we did see a lot and had a full schedule of sightseeing and if we would have had more time there would have been so many more nice sights we would have wanted to see and that we still hope to see someday. So Stockholm is definetly worth visiting and has lots of things to offer no matter what your interests are (history, art, culture, nature, etc.). I hope this series gave you a little impression on what you could do and how to plan as we obviously did some planning mistakes (just saying closed art galleries) but we enjoyed it anyways and found alternatives and you always learn for the future from these mistakes. 

Let me know where you want to spend or will spend your next holidays. I am always interested why people choose the destinations they visit and I am always up for some new inspiration.
See you soon for the Christmas Special Series.

♥Nadja

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Something special for you! Chapter 18


I didn`t thought that I would see her again, personally, so not just from my window. I especially didn`t thought that I would see her again at the beach. But while I was surfing today afternoon I was able to spot her on the beach, sitting a bit away from the crowd. I was close to losing my balance, so surprised was I, but I managed to balance it out and not fall of my board. Was that really her?- Yes it has to be her, I could spot her dog lying beside her in the sand. I wouldn`t go out of the water right away that was for sure. If she needed my help or talk to me she would wait.

But I totally forgot the time while I was on the water. When I turned my gaze back to the beach the sun had already started to set. The people had started to leave the beach and I really hoped that she was still there. She had probably waited for more than two hours. But she was still sitting there in the sand. For today I did enjoyed the waves enough.

I wasn`t completely out of the water when her dog came running towards me. I greeted him and started to play with him. Then I went with him back to her. I sat down beside her, she was smiling but not saying a word. I decided to stay quiet and to wait what she will be doing. I didn`t wanted to push her. Didn`t want to do something that made her feel uncomfortable. If staying quiet was the best method I couldn`t tell. But when we met the last time, the first time, not talking seemed to be her thing.

Suddenly she reached me her hand and said, “I am Emma”. She was smiling. More with her eyes than her mouth. She was just glowing. I took her hand, smiled back at her and stayed silent. She did so as well. She was silent with me and the longer we were silent together the more comfortable I got with it.

She seemed to get along with the silence pretty well and pretty fast. At the beginning I could see how it confused her, but then she turned her focus on to the sunset and she seemed to fell comfortable with it. At first I couldn`t leave it, I was just able to look at her. The first minutes I was simply looking at her. Then I also started to stare at the ocean and after a while I was able to enjoy the silence. Simply not being in need of saying something. That Emma didn`t had a problem with that wasn`t new to me after her behavior when I met her the first time. But this time the silence was different. It was feeling good. They were sharing something, as if she was sharing something with him. This time it wasn`t weird or strange, this time it was good. Nearly freeing and somehow I understood it this time. The sound of the waves, that I usually didn`t hear any longer. The colors of the sky, that were though fascinating me for the past couple of years, but somehow they had become taken for granted. All this impressed me today the same way like it did on my first day here.

We were sitting there for nearly an hour in silence. Out of the nowhere Emma asked me, “Would you like to eat something?... I wanted to go home and cook something…”

I was surprised that she had just invited me. “Yes”, was the only thing I could say while I nodded my head still surprised.

Monday, November 23, 2015

Stockholm Day 6!

Hi everyone!

Day 6 was a short day although the list was quiet long. Strindberg Museum, Art Gallery, The University and the Botanical Garden.

So once we had breakfast we were ready for the day. As usual we were very well prepared tourists with two memory cards for our cameras, a lunch package with cookies and Dr. Pepper which we assumed was coke (bad mistake, very bad mistake), our guidbooks and a city map.
But as well as we were prepared we got it managed to walk three times (yes three times) into the wrong direction anyways before we finally found the Strindberg Museum. Once we found the old apartmend of this amazing author which functions now as a museum we were also happy to leave it again after 30 minutes. It was just warm and very crowded that day and in the small apartment simply not as much fun as we expected. So from there we went to the Art Gallery which as mentioned earlier was closed. So straight to University.

One thing was clear, it would always be our dream to study there one day (knowing today this will always just stay a dream as we both choose other ways).

From there it was a short walk to the Botanical Gardens. Which is a really great spot to visit.
We spent about 2 hours there taking pictures of all the flowers and plants and of course of us.
From Mexico feeling to Greece feeling because they of course presented the flowes and plants in their natural climate...so because of that pack a jacket and a bikini ;)








Because we still had time left we made our way back to the city center where we went on a historical boat tour...and of course we got sea sick but it was worth it...I just recommend to not drink Dr. Pepper when you are sea sick because frankly...this melted cherry lollipop taste...not a good idea.
Once we felt better we focused on shopping, eating some dinner and then went back to the hotel.


♥Nadja

Friday, November 20, 2015

Something special for you! Chapter 17


I had already painted my bedroom furniture white, even the bed. To do so I had to carry my mattress downstairs into the living room where I slept for a few nights.

After I came back from the therapist last night I had to carry my mattress with all of strength back upstairs into my bedroom. I was sleeping for six hours without waking up in between for the first time this night. Today morning Balu woke me up. He had sneaked himself into my bed and started to sniff at my face until I opened my eyes. I cuddled with him a bit before I stood up. I went into the bathroom and took a quick shower. I put on some jeans shorts and a shirt. I put on some make up and then took Balu for his morning walk. I was late, so I assumed that Scott would already be on the water so I decided to go down to the beach in the afternoon. I just went to the park with Balu, now.

After half an hour we took as usual a break to play a bit at the dog playground in the park. Then we went back home. Balu went immediately to his bed to take a nap.

I went down to the supermarket and bought some groceries and another cookbook. Back home I put the groceries into the fridge and the cookbook aside. I started to tidy everything up and then cleaned all over. My old home would have never looked like this. But I wasn`t perfect and I didn`t want to spent my whole days with just cleaning the house. I had read the book that was in one of the baskets.

I did read some interior magazines and good some more inspiration and ideas. I had painted the floors and the furniture. I didn`t do nothing.

Right after I finished cleaning Balu came with one of his toys and threw it right in front of my feet.

He wanted to play, but I wasn`t completely done yet. So I put his toy back into his bed. Then I went upstairs to refresh my make up in the bathroom. I took a towel from the bathroom and put it into my beach bag, I also added some treats for Balu and a bottle of water into my bag. Then I got Balus leash and his ball and we both made our way down to the beach.



Once I arrived at the beach I set myself away from the main crowed on my towel. Balu took his spot beside me and started to observe the people at the beach. I didn`t need a long time to find Scott among the surfers on the water. I was looking at him for a little while before I started to play with Balu. After half an hour of playing Balu went back to my towel and layed down. He was totally exhausted.

When the sunset began at lot of people started to leave the beach, the surfers came back in and I started to get nervous, because I absolutely didn`t know what I was doing. On the one hand I wanted to talk to him on the other I didn`t know what to say and what to do?

While I was thinking back and forth a few minutes went by and I totally forgot the things around me.
Suddenly Balu walked away from me, towards the water and when I looked into his direction I saw why. Scott had come out of the water with his board and Balu who for an unknown reason loved him like crazy was running towards him. Scott had put the board away and started to play with Balu.

After a little while they came walking towards me. Balu took his spot again beside me, while Scott sat down on my other site without saying a word. He was smiling at me but not saying a single word.

I knew know how he must have felt, when we met the first time and I wasn`t saying a word, just smiling. Did he do this on purpose now? Or was he thinking that this would help me? Or was I just thinking too much or interpreting too much into the situation again?

Suddenly it came out of my mouth, “I am Emma” I said, gave him my hand and smiled at him. He smiled back at me and gave me his hand, but stayed quiet.

Somehow it still confused me, but maybe I should just stop thinking about it. I mean at least he was sitting beside me and not went away madly. I looked at the ocean and  started to listen to the sound of it. I noticed how he was staring at me. I smiled a bit but kept my gaze onto the ocean.


We were sitting there for almost an hour without saying a word. I liked this silence. It felt understood by him and I didn`t even have to explain it to him and the other way around. I actually had the plan to talk to him, to thank him, to explain myself, but now I had the feeling I didn`t have to. And on that feeling my hunger followed. Suddenly I was hearing myself asking him “Would you like to eat something?...I wanted to go home and cook something…”

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Stockholm Day 5!

Hi everyone!

It is Day 5 of the "Stockholm-Holiday Edition".
It started with a bit of a headache due to too much sun and beer. I was pretty much burned all over so beauty tip number one do not forget your sunscreen even when you are in Scandinavia or better say especially in Scandinavia.
So the plan for Day 5 was to go to the Aquarium, an Artmuseum and the Gröna Lund Tivoli for some action and fun.
Today morning we found something strange on our way to the subway station...Garbage and weird advertising walls.
A shopping cart full of garbage, garbage beside the garbage can in the mall, same in the subway station...and of course we had to take photos of that to proof that Sweden is not as clean as it looks in all the documentaries.
Weird advertising like a sheep (for Tele 2) that said "Cheap is that way" probably a joke on accent (maybe our german accent) I just say "Help we are thinking..."
Anyways, once arrived at the Aquarium we took one of the information flyers and went into the simulated rainforest...people who read the flyer in advance clearly had an advantage, because they had known that once it gets dark in the rainforest, rain starts and you better make your way into your hut before it starts to rain...well guess who took a second good morning shower?!

But not thinking of the shower we had a great time "under the sea". It was amazing to see all the beautiful water animals in such a lovely atmosphere. To learn about them, to see their different colour and beautys. We spend over 2 hours in this museum and I am sure you could have gone through it in less than 30 minutes but it was beautiful. The teaching effect was amazing. They even had a simulation of water polution through us humans. It was shocking you could go down into a simulated canal system and see the clear water on the one side and then they way it looks thanks to us. Giving you some more impressions of the Aquarium before I move on to our next spot.



Outside the museum with a view on the ocean
After this we had planned to go to an Artmuseum which had closed. We figured that basically every artmuseum except of the museum for Modern Art was closed. So we went straight to the Tivoli where we had a ton of fun.
Started with the wild mice (as we called it), I think it was for children, but for us two tough enough. This thing was so fast...after it we went into the Scary Ghost Ride (we also called it that way)...somebody should have told us earlier that when you drive towards the train the door will open and people in the waiting line will see your stupid face...but hey I can laugh about myself and it was fun.
Last thing and a thing you wouldn`t get us out of was Katapulten, a mix of a Free Fall Tower with a Rocket. You get shot up and have a nice view over the whole city and then they let you fall down just to shoot you up again. Amazing...but nothing for sensitive people or people with the risk of a heart attack.
So our Day 5 focused on 2 beautiful activities followed by dinner at the Kungligahallen and a little shopping trip in the sun.

♥Nadja

Monday, November 16, 2015

Something special for you! Chapter 16


During my fourth therapy session something happened. After I had stayed all silent during my last appointments, demonstrating Doctor Decker that I wasn`t interested in doing a therapy and that I really didn`t like her she asked me if I didn`t want to remember the accident because it had been my fault. After she had asked that question I stared at her pretty long and intense before I said “Maybe I don`t want to remember the accident, because I would then know for sure that my father steered us into that truck and not that it wasn`t the trucks fault. But how would that help me? And if you want to make me responsible for that accident…I was on the backseat which is the only reason why I was able to survive. Maybe you write that into your report for Doctor Morrison and for our other appointments you have to figure out something else because I won`t come back. This is not helping me at all.” I exhaled long and with sound. While I took my jacket and left the practice Doctor Decker was locking at me in shock and wasn`t able to say a single word. She might be thinking now that I remembered the accident, but I didn`t I had just written the police report.

The taxi was already waiting outside. I told the taxi driver that I would go over to the café and get me a tea. I asked him if he wanted something as well. I had made my decision. From today on I would change my life, taking it into my hands. Finding out who I am and who I want to be.

I was looking forward to come home because I knew that a surprise was awaiting me. But once I arrived at home and went to the back door, there was nothing. Maybe he had given up. Or maybe he had found another one, a normal one. One without problems. Or he simply forgot it or had something else to do. Speculations didn`t help, I simply had to take actions. But for today I simply needed to rest.


She didn`t came by this week as well butut that was okay. I had already prepared Tuesdays` surprise. I had bought a gift card from a day spa and some interior magazines. I just had to get the tea that I had ordered for her. It was a special kind of tea that I have always had on my vacation. Instead of spending my whole day at the beach I had already gone down there before the sunrise. Spend the whole sunrise on the water. Enjoyed the thrill. Got my head free. I went home around 3pm and got changed. Then I went down to the tea store. Emma would probably get picked up while I am at the store but I still would get it managed as she usually was away about two hours.

I stopped on my way back home and got myself some sushi. Back at home I sat down in the kitchen. I packed the tea into a bag with the magazines and the gift card. I wanted to write the note while eating my sushi. But when I went into the hall way to get some paper and a pen I saw the taxi stopping again in front of her house. She came out and went back into her house. I put the pen and the paper back.
Something was wrong, she never came back that early the other Tuesdays.

I went back into the kitchen, took my sushi, sat down in the living room and turned on the TV.

Friday, November 13, 2015

Stockholm Day 4!

Hi everyone!!!

So Day 4 started again with extreme soreness and taking care of our blisters but also with excitement thanks to that days plan.
After a very good breakfast we made our way to Gamla Stan which is basically the old/historical part of the city. There we wanted to visit Stockholm Cathedral, The Royal Palace and The Treasury (I just needed to see the jewelery and crowns and all these beautiful things).
From the Old Town (Gamla Stan) we went to Riddarholmen where we wanted to see The Riddarholmen Church and from there we wanted to go to Kungligahallen as the day before to eat and then we went back to Gamla Stan for one of the walking tours that were mentioned in our Guidebook. The Tour led us through Gamla Stan over to Riddarholmen and back to Gamla Stan while passing the Opera on our way back to Gamla Stan. Last but not least we made our way to one Stockholms nicest views.
So after our breakfast we made our way to the Old Town (Gamla Stand) and to Stockholm Cathedral which in my opinion is a very beautiful and not too overloaded cathedral. It is very light inside so not so dark as some others I have seen in the past.

From the cathedral it was a very quick walk to the Royal Palace where we saw how the guards thing ( I called it the thing as I actually do not know what that was). We didn`t got a guided tour in the Royal Palace which was a bit sad because we really liked the guided tour in Drottningholm Palace as we had learned a lot. So here we had to walk around alone and read the information from the signs that were standing in every room which kind of got boring after about an hour especially since you always had to wait until the people in front of you were finished reading the information. So after 1 1/2 hour we were done and went into the Treasury which was really great although it just took about 10 minutes to see everything.

We walked through the small streets of the Old town over the bridge to Riddarholmen where we visited the Riddarholmen Church, the church with the black tower as we called it. For us this Church got after our 10 minute  in my case 5 minute visit a new name. The Church of the Death because it functions as a grave for 17 kings and queens...so the church was more of a graveyard, cold, dark and of course full of dead people...

After a quick lunch break at the Kungligahallen (36 Restaurants on 3 floors) we went back to Gamla Stan to start one of the roundtrips from our guidebook.
We started at the little finnish church that was right beside the Royal Palace or behind the Stockholm Cathedral (depending on your starting point, we had to search a bit for it). In the backyard of the Finnish Church we found a little statue that shall bring you luck when you touch it (speaking of luck: when I came back home I won a phone).

We didn`t do anything exactly the way they said in the book as we had seen already most of the things from the tour during the day. We walked that roundway, bought as something to drink and made our way to the view that was mentioned in the book. I can really just recommend it, you get a nice view over the sea and Gamla Stan. We were sitting there until 11pm before we made our way back to the hotel to prepare ourselves for Day 5...


♥Nadja

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Something special for you! Chapter 15


She hasn`t been to the beach nor did she leave her house. She didn`t call me either. Maybe she was sick and needed help. I thought about going over to her house and to check on her as she didn`t seem to have any family or friends that were looking after her. But then I decided on not doing so. Maybe that was a bit too intrusive. I mean I had written down where she could find me if she needed any help.

It was Thursday again and I stayed home because of the bad waves. I had decided on doing the laundry. While I was filling the washing machine I hear a thunder approaching and shortly after hear the rain on my roof, strongly.

Back in my hall way I see a taxi in front of her house. She comes running from the back door and rushes into the taxi. She didn`t look happy, here gaze was down, her shoulders hanging. She had drawn the hood into her face. Although it was raining, she was wearing shorts and sandals. I had to smile a bit amused. Before she went into the taxi she had a quick look at my house and I think she was smiling. Then she entered the taxi and drove away. Somehow I had the feeling that that look towards my house was a good sign. Maybe she was thinking of me too and just too shy to get in touch. I decided to jog a little round through the rain. When I came by the kiosk I decided to get myself some water. While drinking my water I walked around the kiosk. I picked up a book and read the argument of the novel. It sounded interesting. Then I saw a Nicholas Sparks movie in one of the shelfs which I thought would be a good fit to the book. I took both and went back to Kim to pay. She looked at me confused. “Are you trying to seduce someone or did you become gay?” she asked me, obviously confused about my choices.

“Both not.” I answered her quickly, before I ran back to my house. I was searching the kitchen shelf for another box of pralines that I had bought a while ago at the airport. I packed the book and DVD and the pralines into a basket that I still had from the kiosk. Then I started to write a little note `Enjoy the rainy days the same way as the sunny` and put it into the basket before I brought it over to Emmas` house and put it on the porch at the back door. She would be happy about the basket, even when she didn`t know who put it there.


The days continued being grey and rainy. When the weather allowed it I went of course surfing. When it didn`t I took care of my house. There was always something that needed to be done. Morning and evening I went to the kiosk to check on it. When the weather was bad the little hut suffered a lot. Kim was still teasing me with my recent `hauls` but she also kept me updated on Emma and that she hasn`t returned to the beach and the kiosk. Kim was counting one and one together. She knew who I bought the book and DVD for.

“You have that look”, she said to me. I decided to not ask what she meant with `that look`. On Sunday I payed Alf a visit. The old man had asked for help. The storm had damaged parts of his porch and he had troubles fixing it himself.

Alf gave me a warm welcome when I knocked on the door.

“Just come in, there is a beer waiting for you in the kitchen,” he said and pat me on my back. “Just sit down, you can work later”, Alf pointed at a chair. I started to think that Alf was on to something and that he didn`t ask me to come because of a damaged porch. Because never ever before did Alf offered me one of his holy beers.

“Kim says you recently started to buy romantic novels and chick flicks…”

“No, I am not gay,” I interrupted him immediately.

“I didn`t suspected that either. I suspect something different…” I took a bit of the beer.

“I see you every Tuesday how you plant a basket at the new one over there.” He pointed into the direction of Emmas` house. “Who is she? And more importantly what did she do to make you a romantic? I thought I had given my business to a real man?” Alf said and laughed out loudly. I knew that Alf didn`t like this `real mans`. He was married for thirty years until his wife died a few years ago. Alf has always been a gentleman, at least he told me so, so I knew to not take his message to serious.

“Her name is Emma, at least Kim says so. I helped her out the other day and she seems nice. But…I don`t know, something doesn`t seems right with her… I just want to help her”, I try to explain, but it was difficult as I didn`t know myself what I was doing there.

“Ohhh, so today it is called helping?!” Alf raised an eyebrow and started to laugh.
“I just needed to make sure that you were okay before you are starting to repair the porch. One of the old plant pots has fallen down….and broke some of the wooden planks…”

Yeah, that is Alf, worried and boss at the same time. I took the tool box that was standing in the kitchen and went outside to take a look at what Alf`d just described. Then I started to fix it.


She got picked up the past two Tuesdays at the same time by the taxi driver so I was pretty sure that she would be picked up at this time again this week.

I already bought a cheese plate from the kiosk today morning, so that I wouldn`t have to go through an interrogation again. “For tonight”, I said to Kim and then disappeared immediately. The rain had stopped so I put it into a bag this time. I packed a bottle of wine to the cheese plate and a little note where I wished her to `Enjoy it`.


If she wouldn`t leave the house today I would simply eat the cheese plate. But in everything she did there was a routine and today it should be the same. The taxi stopped as usual in front of her house, she rushed into the taxi and drove away. I went over to her house, put the bag on the porch at her back door and then went down to the beach. Someday she will realize that I all I want was to help her and be a friend. One day she will realize that, she just needed some time.

Monday, November 9, 2015

Stockholm Day 3!

Hi everyone!

So day 2 of sightseeing started with being extremely sore and a lot of blisters on our feet. So first thing was covering our feet with blister plasters. So once we were done with that and had our great breakfast at the hotel the day could start.
On our plan for the day we had: Drottningholmen Palace, The Chinese Pavillion, The Theater by the Palace and a walk through the Palace Park.

So on to our way to Drottningholmen which we thanks to our very patient and friendly front desk clerk found very easily. We need the 40 Minutes she guessed. Lucky as we were we were the first people at the Palace and more or less got a private guided tour which gave us the possibility for asking a lot of questions.

This palace is just so beautiful and teaches so much royal  history and is so near to the folk I can just recommend visiting it. The guided tour took about two hours but it was so informative all questions we had got answered with so much joy it was just amazing.
From the palace we made our way through the park which is very beautiful to walk in to the Chinese Pavillion. As you can see the weather was not as good as the day before and we were covered in rain caped with an umbrella but shorts which obviously told everyone "Germans on Tour" just as a side note.
Once arrived at the Pavillion we were wondering what exactly this was. Don`t get me wrong it was beautiful as you can see in the picture, but I expected something round and open at the sides and not a real building. But the history to it and the building it self was very beautiful. But if I would walk through the whole park again in rain and felt 40 degrees thanks to the humidity I leave that question open...
Once we were done with the Pavillion we went back through the Park to the Theater. We saw a wedding in the Park (yes it seemed to be open for public weddings) which was beautiful.
In the theater you could go backstage and take a look at all the stuff they use and used. It was nice but you can totally do this in 10 minutes.
Well now that we were done with Drottningholm we wanted to go and eat in Kungligahallen. But we only made it to the city center as no busses were going thanks to the Stockholm Pride. We figured out later that we could have reached our goal by subway too but this little mistake gave us the chance to look at this Parade. So once we made it out of the train station we found ourselves standing between all these people singing "Harry Potter is homosexual..." ...once we took a rest from that funny shock we got the next.
Right beside our Parade there was a little demonstration of people from Iraque demonstrating silently for human rights (we noticed them already the day before). We found those too Parades beside each other not that well placed but hey freedom...
Well lets make it quick. We watched the Parade then went eating in Kungligahallen and from there back to the city for a little shopping trip and then back to the hotel preparing ourselves for the next day, charging our cameras, etc....

Friday, November 6, 2015

Something Special for you! Chapter 14


I thanked the taxi driver, closed the car door and went towards my house, through the garden to my back door. Right in front of my back door there was a basket. I looked at it skeptical before I took it with me into the kitchen. Before I took a closer look at it I said hi to Balu who had waited for me patiently.

There was a note on the basket “Kim said you always ordered this salad and for your sweet tooth some chocolate”.

There was no name on it, but I knew the handwriting. The basket was from Scott. I smiled, took the salad out and sat down in the living room in front of the window. I was looking at the ocean. There were only a few surfers out and I was sure that he wasn`t one of them. After a little while I could see him. I saw him sitting on his board, a bit away from the other surfers and he stared at the ocean. The sky was red and the sunset was mirroring itself in the water. It was such a beautiful view. I think I am starting to understand what people fascinated about the ocean. It was endless. He slowly made his way back to the beach, or better said towards me. As many other times these past days I regret my decision on not seeing him. When I made that decision that I wouldn`t fit into his life, that I wouldn`t be good enough. He looked so unbelievable confident and secure. I wasn`t both right now. I didn`t even know who I am, what my purpose on earth is, why I am still here.

I saw him leaving the beach and thought about going over to him and thanking him for the basket. But then I thought about the decision I had made and throw my thoughts away.

By the time I took Balu for our last walk of the day it was already midnight. The sky was clear and full of stars. I could have stayed outside all night, but I decided to go back home. Before I went to bed I took a piece of the chocolate. This was the first night that I was sleeping good again.



The next days and weeks were as usual, except of the Tuesdays. Tuesdays were therapy days and even if Doctor Morrison thought that the therapy was helping me, because I looked as if I was sleeping more and had gained back some pounds, I knew that it wasn`t helping. Doctor Decker had asked me several times why I was so scared of remembering the accident. Why it scared me to talk about my childhood, but I stayed silent. I wasn`t scared, I simply couldn`t remember and there wasn`t anything to say about my childhood. And I really didn`t know what my childhood had to do with the actual problem.


Except of the therapy I liked my Tuesdays. Because every Tuesday after therapy I found a little surprise in front of my back door. These surprises came from Scott, at least I thought it was his handwriting on the notes, but none of them were signed so I couldn`t tell for sure. After the bucket with salad and chocolate I got a bucket with a book, a DVD and a box of pralines. The Tuesday after that one a bottle of wine and a cheese plate. I was excited every single time but I had a bad conscious as well, because I never thanked him. But I calmed myself down by telling myself that every normal woman would think, after meeting him just once, that he was a stalker.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Stockholm Day 2!

Hi everyone!

Welcome to Day 2 of my Stockholm Trip.
So first night was great and we were all ready to start our sightseeing trip.
Once down in the hotel lobby we did ask for the way to the subway (T-bana) they were very helpful in describing us the way, eventually we were just too tired or too stupid to find the way mentioned. At least it wasn`t up the stairs and on the right. But we just thought we will keep walking and see where we end up. So after a while we found a card and figured we were in the center of Skärholmen so on the right way. Yey! We  found a supermarked where we decided to buy some snacks that will keep us over the day and some water. (A tip from me here is really use the supermarked outside the city center as the prices were way higher once we arrived in the city center plus finding a Lidl was pretty hard.) Once we came out of the supermarked we saw the sign for the subway.
So with the subway we went into the city. Confused about how a restaurant called Macho could be right under the offices of Manpower but "Hey never mind" if you do not see the irony and humour there.



Well on to finding the right Bus for our first sightseeing day. Day 1 of sightseeing should lead us to Djurgården where we wanted to see the Vasamuseum, Junibacken and the Nordic Museum...after that we had planned to go to the city museum, but wait and see what happened.

Stop no. 1: The Vasamuseum...not really informed the friend I went with thought she would find the famous swedish Wasabread....I had to disappoint her, there was nothing to eat also not anything food related to watch, just a big ship, that belonged to King Gustav Wasa. It sank on its first drive right after it shipped out. Once we had watched the whole ship which they saved from the ground of the sea and all the things that were on it and how it was painted and decorated in detail, we moved on to our next stop. (On a note there was a free guided tour which we didn`t use as we would have had to wait for one hour so make sure to check the schedule for these to skip waiting if you want a guide, otherwise all things had signs in different languages)

Stop no. 2: Junibacken....a wonderful journey through all the beautiful swedish stories I read as a child. They offer the trip in different languages and as we were used to them in german we went with german. You drove through miniature staged stories, such as Madita, Emil and Pippi, etc. all the Astrid Lindgren stories I so much loved as a child and still love as an adult
Still excited from our timetravel through our childhood we went to....



Stop no. 3: The Nordic Museum....where we got a free audioguide in german (on some stations it was english but it was fine) that walked us through the special exposition of the samic culture and history, then through nordic eating and table culture, through the history of nordic fashion and just when we thought we had seen it all we found an extra exposition on the history of music, where we gut stuck for 3 hours listening to one song for two hours straight (the song was called hög standard by Peps Persson if you want to check it out on youtube).


Yeah and that was basically the reason why we didn`t made it to our fourth stop. But we walked to Stockholms traditional Hot dog kiosk NK Korv....where they immediately figured that we were germans and started chatting with us...plus the guy working there was some real eyecandy :P

After that we went back to the Hotel to prepare for Day 3 and to charge our cameras and sleep of course.

Monday, November 2, 2015

Something special for you! Chapter 13


Since I helped her, since I touched her shoulder, I couldn`t stop to think about her.
She barely talked. I thought it was strange at first, but then I saw that scar and I couldn`t stop thinking that it had to with what had happened to her.

Her eyes were sparkling green when she smiled at me and behind that sad insecure look that I had noticed earlier I saw joy and relief. I couldn`t and didn`t want to tell why she was that sad and insecure. I also couldn`t tell why she was happy either and I didn`t know why she smiled at me that one moment. Maybe because I had helped her? But I didn`t know that for sure.

“Everyone has problems”, did Alf told me the first time I came to the beach kiosk, “the only thing important is how you are dealing with them.” Emma obviously has problems. She seems to deal with them in some moments better than in others. I was hoping to understand it one day. I was sure about seeing her again. I mean she was living just a few houses away. She spent her days at the beach, if Kim didn`t took her for somebody else. And then there was this note I had left her, which was pretty close to an indirect invitation.

But already the day after I had fixed her door, she didn`t showed up at the beach. I haven`t seen her all week. I tried to put my thoughts about her aside by enjoying the nature, by surfing.

Tuesday afternoon I stayed at home, there hasn`t been any good waves and I had to take care of the kiosks accounting. I just sat down to do so when I saw a taxi stopping by her house. It was rare to see a taxi in this area of the city, especially during daytime. She came out of her house and drove away with the taxi. Before I had thought it through I took my jacket and went down to the kiosk. I made Kim pack a salad and some chocolate into a basket. Back home I wrote a note attached it to the basket and brought it over to Emmas` house. I put it right in front of her back door.
Back at my house I watched over to her house from my office window. 
Right when she came back with the taxi I noticed that I had forgotten to sign the note. But maybe it was good this way. She could guess that it was him that left it there, but at the same time it could have been someone else who left it there. So I she won`t be under any pressure. At least I hoped so. I would really like to help her, but I didn`t know why. To do so I didn`t know enough about her. I grabbed all the papers and went with them into the living room, so that I wouldn`t get distracted by staring at her house.