During my fourth therapy session something happened. After I had stayed all silent during my last appointments, demonstrating Doctor Decker that I wasn`t interested in doing a therapy and that I really didn`t like her she asked me if I didn`t want to remember the accident because it had been my fault. After she had asked that question I stared at her pretty long and intense before I said “Maybe I don`t want to remember the accident, because I would then know for sure that my father steered us into that truck and not that it wasn`t the trucks fault. But how would that help me? And if you want to make me responsible for that accident…I was on the backseat which is the only reason why I was able to survive. Maybe you write that into your report for Doctor Morrison and for our other appointments you have to figure out something else because I won`t come back. This is not helping me at all.” I exhaled long and with sound. While I took my jacket and left the practice Doctor Decker was locking at me in shock and wasn`t able to say a single word. She might be thinking now that I remembered the accident, but I didn`t I had just written the police report.
The taxi was already waiting outside. I told the taxi driver that I would go over to the café and get me a tea. I asked him if he wanted something as well. I had made my decision. From today on I would change my life, taking it into my hands. Finding out who I am and who I want to be.
I was looking forward to come home because I knew that a surprise was awaiting me. But once I arrived at home and went to the back door, there was nothing. Maybe he had given up. Or maybe he had found another one, a normal one. One without problems. Or he simply forgot it or had something else to do. Speculations didn`t help, I simply had to take actions. But for today I simply needed to rest.
She didn`t came by this week as well butut that was okay. I had already prepared Tuesdays` surprise. I had bought a gift card from a day spa and some interior magazines. I just had to get the tea that I had ordered for her. It was a special kind of tea that I have always had on my vacation. Instead of spending my whole day at the beach I had already gone down there before the sunrise. Spend the whole sunrise on the water. Enjoyed the thrill. Got my head free. I went home around 3pm and got changed. Then I went down to the tea store. Emma would probably get picked up while I am at the store but I still would get it managed as she usually was away about two hours.
I stopped on my way back home and got myself some sushi. Back at home I sat down in the kitchen. I packed the tea into a bag with the magazines and the gift card. I wanted to write the note while eating my sushi. But when I went into the hall way to get some paper and a pen I saw the taxi stopping again in front of her house. She came out and went back into her house. I put the pen and the paper back.
Something was wrong, she never came back that early the other Tuesdays.
I went back into the kitchen, took my sushi, sat down in the living room and turned on the TV.