Friday, January 29, 2016

Something special for you! Chapter 32

I picked her up on Friday morning as I promised. I did talk to Alf the day before and he promised me to take care of the kiosk for the time I would be away. Of course he didn`t believe that Emma was just a friend. He said he was seeing it in my face, my eyes. I ignored it. She was just a friend. There was nothing else up for discussion so far. Alf was right, she is beautiful and she radiated something special. I did notice that as well but we were just friends and it would stay this way.

She came with her bag from behind the house and went into the car without a saying word. I dropped her off in front of the hospital.

“I will just park the car and then wait for you in the cafè.” She nodded her head quickly and then disappeared into the hospital. I had never experienced her this quiet. It was a bit spooky. Nearly as if the Emma he got to know the past days wasn`t there at all. She didn`t talk at all and she was completely distant. She looked out of the window the whole way not even looking at me once. She didn`t even react on me. I would really like to know what was going on with her.

I did arrive at the hospital front desk and let them know that I was there for my appointment. They told me that Doctor Morrison was expecting me. I took some deep breaths before I went into his office. He examined me from head to toe before he set down at his desk.

“You are looking better. The therapy seems to work. Physically you are fine too so I would say we are done here.”

Should I tell him that I stopped going to therapy or should I better keep it to myself? Maybe he would insist on the control check-ups if I let him know. It we better to just keep that information too myself.

“Yes I also do feel a lot better” I said and put on my best smile. With this, this appointment was over. Doctor Morrison officially released me as a patient of the hospital.

I went to the station to look if Liz was there and I found her right away. We gave each other a warm hug.

“Then I did worry without any reason” Liz said when I told her that I wasn`t a patient of the hospital any longer.

“Yes you did. There is something else.” I handed Liz the key to my house. She was looking at me confused.

“I am going on a little roadtrip. With a friend and…well if you could take a look from time to time that everything is okay?”

“Yes sure. But who is this friend. Do you really know him well enough?” Liz was worried as usual. I did talk Liz into following me to the hospitalcafè.

“No worries Liz he is not a serial killer. He lives a few houses down my street and also moved there from the better end of the city.”

“Okay you know best what you are doing. But if there is anything you are going to call me, okay?” I knew that this wasn`t a question but a direct order. I just nodded. Then I gave Liz a big hug and went into the cafè to Scott.

`So he shall be just a friend` was what Liz thought when she saw us together. Then she went back to her station.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

The Book Tag

Hi everyone!

So today I will give you another option to get to know me better or lets say to get to know more about  my relationships to books.

#1 Do you have a certain place at home for reading?
No. I read when I have the time. So this might be in bed, the bathtub or on the couch.

#2 Bookmark or random piece of paper?
Usually a Bookmark but if I don't have one in the moment I need it a random piece of paper suits as well.

#3 Can you stop reading anytime you want or do you have to stop at a certain page, chapter, part, etc.?
I can but I prefer to finish the chapter when I stop.

#4 Do you eat or drink while reading?

#5 Can you read while listening to music/ watching TV?
Yes, but I also like to read in total silence.

#6 One book at a time or several at once?
Both. When I know what I want to read I say one book at a time. When I am uncertain I start several and go with the one I like best.

#7 Reading at home or everywhere?

#8 Reading out loud or silently in your head?
Silently in my head.

#9 Do you read ahead or skip pages?

#10 Breaking the spine or keeping it new?
Usually I keep it new but with books I have already read several times and that already look used I break the spine.

#11 Do you write in books?
Studybooks yes other books no.

I hope you enjoyed this post. Let me know in the comments what more Tag posts you might want to read.

❤️ Nadja

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Something special for you! Chapter 31

We met the other days always down at the beach. On the one hand, I wanted to practice surfing more. On the other hand, we wanted to get to know each other better before our trip would start on Saturday. It would have never come to my mind to go on a roadtrip with a total stranger. After all, he could be a pervert and a serialkiller. Thinking about it, he looks less like a serial killer and more like a player. There was nothing speaking against player except that fact that he hadn`t made a move on me. Maybe I wasn`t his type. Maybe I have become fat again, as my dad always when I had eaten a bit more. To burn all the calories that I have eaten I had to keep up with hourlong personal trainings. At the end, I looked more like a skeleton than a woman. I did put an end to that. I still watched out to not become “fat” but in the hospital they made me gain weight so that I looked more like a woman than a child now. I was happy with that and I wanted to look exactly like that, maybe without the scars but they belonged to me now.
No maybe I just wasn`t his type. And I really wasn`t the type you just “pick up”.

“Did you already pack?” he interrupted my thoughts.

“Yes, mostly”, to be honest I hadn`t packed a thing because I absolutely didn`t know what to take with me. For sure I needed clothes, but what kind of clothes? I couldn`t run around in a top and shorts everywhere. That worked for the beach but not really for the city. Would I need a dress? I asked myself this question over and over again. I was so unsure about it. We would barely go out and if I didn`t want to make it look like a date. After all we were just friends. Friends and nothing else. On the other hand we could still be friends even when I was wearing a fancy dress. I was thinking too much again. I would just pack a bit from everything later today.

“Maybe we could buy the snacks and prepare everything on Friday? – I still have to arrange some things for the beachkiosk tomorrow.”

I have totally forgotten to ask Alf if he would do the paperwork for some weeks, I will have to do that tomorrow.

“Yes, sure. Then they are fresh” I agreed, but then I remembered “I have to go to the hospital on Friday, but we could do that when I am back.”

“Or I could drive you to the hospital and we drive to the city from there.”

That was a great idea and I agreed on it. I wouldn`t need to order a taxi and when we would drive from the hospital into the city it would save us about an hour.

There were only two days left and even when I was nervous as hell I was never that sure about something.
“I will go home now, packing. We`ll see each other on Friday morning” I called after Scott who was already on his way back into the water with his surfboard.

Then I left. Completely convinced and sure about this roadtrip becoming awesome, something special, I left the beach and went home.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Get to know me Tag!

Hi everyone!

Since my original "About me/About this blog" post is not giving too much away I thought why not jump on the wagon with all these Tags so that you can get to know me?!
So today I am starting with the Get to know me Tag. During the next week you might see some other Tags (let me know in the comments which ones you would prefer to see).
Lets get started.

1. What is your Name? - Nadja

2. What is your Nickname? - I do not like Nicknames, but some friends call me Nadl or Naddi.

3. When is your Birthday? - 17th June 1989

4. What is your Zodiacsign? - Gemini

5. What is your Occupation? - I am a lawstudent. I already have a degree in Tourismmanagement though.

6. What is your hair colour? - my natural hair colour is an ashy brown, but I go with ombre hair for now. Loving the blonde.

7. What is your hair length? - right now it is like a medium bob (it changes a lot)

8. What is your eyecolour? - some say brown some say green some might even say grey. I say they are green.

9. What is your best feature? - I would say my eyes but I leave that up to other people to judge.

10. Do you have braces? - not any longer, happily done with that chapter.

11. Do you have piercings? - I have my ears pierced and a helix one on the left.

12. Do you have tattoos? - Yes I have five tattoos.

13. Righty or lefty? - Righty

14. First best friend? - still best friends but I won`t Name her ;)

15. First award? - I actually can`t remember that one well. It was either a fourth place in a riding competition or it was in a swimming competition. But I really can`t remember which one was first.

16. First sport? - Rhytmical gymnastics (I think I started with 4 or 5).

17. First real holiday? - first real holiday with my mom was when I was three in Italy. First real Holiday on my own was Stockholm when I was 19.

18. First Concert? - Gavin DeGraw I think. It was at least the first one I can remember.

19. Favourite Film? - The Blind Side. But I actually have more favourite films than just this one. The list is long.

20. Favourite TV Show? - Is und will always be ONE TREE HILL.

21. Favourite Colour? - Black is no colour so I have to go with blue. It would be easier to ask which colours I don`t like though.

22. Favourite Song? - I actually have two I am constantly listening to for over 10 years now or nearly 10 years. First one is I don`t want to be by Gavin DeGraw the second ist Come on by Ben Jelen

23. Favourite Restaurant? - We have a really great Thai Restaurant close to us. I actually never looked at the name.

24. Favourite Store? - I am this person who doesn`t likes shopping in Stores but I love Lindex and Cubus.

25. Favourite Book? - The Neverending Story by Michael Ende

26. Favourite Magazine? - If I would read magazines....

27. Favourite Shoes? - I love my Lacoste Sneakers.

28. I am currently feeling exhausted.

29. I am currently single.

30. I am currently eating nothing. But I will have Lasagne later.

31. I am currently listening to Hozier.

32. I am currently thinking about how I will pass my exams in three weeks.

33. I am currently watching Ghost whisperer.

34. I am currently wearing runners thights and a blue shirt.

35. Do you want children in the future? - Yes

36. Do you want to get married? - Yes

37. What careers do you have in mind? - before I started law school I wanted to work in Tourism planning that was my dream making destinations as attractive for tourists as possible but at the same time make it as sustainable as possible. Now if I pass law school I would say I want to become a lawyer but come one I am in my first semester.

38. Where do you want to live? - It got to be Norway, Sweden, Iceland or Ireland.

39. Do you believe in God? - I believe in Something if it is God, who knows.

40. Do you believe in miracles? - Somehow.

41. Do you believe in Love at first sight? - No.

42. Do you believe in Ghosts? - No.

43. Do you believe in Soul Mates? - Yes.

44. Do you believe in Heaven? - In combination with the next question no.

45. Do you believe in Hell? - Yes.

46. Do you believe in kissing on the first date? - It depends.

47. Do you believe in yourself? - I am very self critical so it really depends.

So these were some facts about me. I hope you feel like knowing me a bit better now.
Let me know which Tags you would like to see during the next weeks in the comments below.
See you soon.


Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Something special for you! Chapter 30

The moment I woke up I realized that Scott and I haven`t agreed on what time we would meet up. Suddenly I hear someone knocking at the backdoor. I was still just in my shirt with absolutely no makeup and crazy hair. I had just come far enough to brush my teeth. Nevertheless I went downstairs to look who it was. Once I saw that it was Scott with warm tea and breakfast I opened up the door.

“Excuse me, I….I…we haven`t talked about a specific time and I…I” I tried to explain pulling my shirt down on my legs as good as I could.

“You just woke up?” he concluded asking. He was smiling all over his face as usual when I tried to explain the obvious.

I nodded “I…I better go upstairs and get dressed” I stutter and make my way through the living room upstairs.
Meanwhile Balu had gone downstairs to greet Scott. He went back and forth between backdoor and Scott. So Scott had opened the backdoor and let him into the backyard. Shortly after he came back in disappearing in the direction of the living room.

I had set the table while I was waiting for Emma. She came back after about ten minutes and was looking as perfect as any other day. At least that is what I am thinking. I was surprised, she wasn`t wearing any makeup and I nearly didn`t notice it. She nearly looks the same. With makeup on her lashes were a bit fuller but they were incredible long and full on their own as well.

“Thank you for the breakfast” I said smiling.

“You are welcome” he replied.

We ate in silence. She didn`t seem to be a morning person so I let her be for a while.

“Before we are leaving I would have to go to the hospital” I said. Scott was looking at me astonished.

“I had an accident before I moved here and the final check-up would be on Friday, but we could leave right afterwards if you would like.” Scott was still not saying a word. He was just looking at me.

I didn`t expect that. Sure I had seen the scars and thought that something must had happened, but that it had happened recently… I would have never thought that.

“No worries. I am fine. Dr. Morrison is just more than careful” I tried to calm him down.

“Maybe I should call now because of the cabin?” I looked at him asking.

“Yes, sure. But maybe we should rather leave on Saturday then we don`t have to rush on Friday and you have enough time at the hospital.” He was really bossy in this moment. On the other hand he was right. By the time we would leave hospital it would be afternoon. We would be standing in the rush hour and everything would become stressful.

“Okay so I`ll book the cabin from Saturday. Is this still working with the Tivoli and the concerts?” Scott looked up grabbed my notebook and looked it up.

“Yes, it works. The Tivoli is starting on Sunday and there will be events for the whole week.”

“Good” I turned around went into the living room and made the call. After a few minutes I came back into the kitchen.

“I rent the cabin from Saturday on. We can stay as long as we want and pay when we leave.”

“That’s good, let us hope that we are having the same luck with the other cabins” Scott added.

Once we had cleaned up the kitchen, we concluded our shopping list. I went one more time into the garden with Balu. We would go for a real walk later tonight.

Then we drove into the Mall to get a tent, camping mats, bedrolls and hiking shoes.

“I would have never thought that there are so many different types of tents” I said amazed. Scott laughed quietly.

“So we have narrowed them down on the quality now we just have to figure out if we want to buy two single tents or the one tent with the two cabins or one big tent.”

“So I have to choose between sleeping all by myself in a tent, sleeping alone in one cabin of a tent or to sleep with you in a cabin?”

“Yes, you could say it that way too.”

“Okay, then we will just take all three” I said convinced. He looked at me skeptical and amused at the same time.

“Go ahead!” I nodded into the direction of the tents.

Scott packed all three versions. For the bedrolls Scott took the ones that they recommended us which was absolutely in my interests. We also agreed on the backpacks the sales assistant recommended. We bought two.

“No onto every womans favourite department” he teased me because we were on our way to buy shoes.
We immediately picked a sales assistant who showed Scott a pair right away. While Scott was busy trying on his pair the sales assistant came towards me.

“And for the Lady we have all of this in rose as well” he was scaling me up and down. What made him think that I would like to have rose colored shoes? I looked at him. I bet Scott could see that I was a bit irritated about that comment.

“If I walk with these rose shoes through mud which color would they become? Or do they stay rose?” I asked the sales assistend blinking with my eyes excessively.

I haven`t seen her like this before but it is definetly interesting.

“Brown?” the sales assistant replied asking.

“Okay, so then I`ll just take the brown ones right away, thank you” I said, smiling friendly. While the sales assistend went to get me the shoes in my size I said to Scott “Excuse me, but I really do not like if someone reduces me to my sex. And anyways, do I look like a Barbie?” When I said that I went up on my toes miming a ballerina.

“You are really good at it. You should have taken the rose ones” he teased me again. The shoes fit right away and were very comfortable, so they were bought.

We did bought some other things from the list. In the same mall we found a pet store where we bought everything we needed for Balu. After that we went to the pharmacy and brought everything we needed for our first-aid kid.
We would go the supermarket to buy snacks on Thursday. 

Monday, January 18, 2016

How I experienced and escaped bullying

Hi everyone!

So todays post is up a bit late. I thought back and forth wether to put it up or not. I decided on putting it up no matter what in the end. Some of you may know I have been sick these past weeks and in bed with pneumonia trying to prepare myself for exams and the situation is still the same, so I hope you are  not mad when some posts may not be up on time. I will deliver when I am completely fine again and have the time and strength to do so.

But now back again to this post. What made my decision clear on putting it out there was a conversation with one of my best friends who went through all of this from 5th to 8th grade with me. I recently had a chat with her about it and she told me that she was seriously surprised about how I dealed with it, how I went through it and how I stayed strong, because she wasn`t. She got pretty sick from it (she got anorexia) and it is mainly due to our conversation that I am putting this up. Lets put it how it is her story encouraged me to put up my story to maybe help you or just to get the discussion going.

So today I am back with a more serious post as I experience more and more that in today world bullying is an issue, while it actually shouldn`t.
I have a history being bullyed myself but thankfully I found a way to escape it and I think that this is actually a key that can help a lot of people, although it might not be the best and most polite way but in a situation like this I think politeness isn`t the most important thing. I will come to my story in a bit. But first of all if you are being bullied I want you to know, that this by no means is your fault, nothing is wrong with you, you are totally fine, you are beautiful inside out, just for the fact that you are not a bully. You are you, love yourself for that and by no means change yourself to become one of the cool kids.
I am not going to say in this post directly what I think about bullys, because I do not see why I should help them becoming better persons, it would just be wasting my time.

So on to my story which started in 5th grade. In primary school I was well integrated I knew a lot of my classmates from kindergarden and only had a few kids with issues in my class and by that I mean kids that early on were very physical which mainly resulted in the atmosphere they had at home, but that is another thing. So I was the only kid from my primary school class that went to the gymnasium and I didn`t knew any of the kids in my new class, which probably already made me an easy target for the clique that picked on later on. I found two friends very easily but we all got picked on. The main reason was that we didn`t look anorexic. One of the girls was overweight, but I wasn`t at that point, but I still got picked on for not being skinny enough and by that not cool enough for that clique. After the first class tests they started picking on me because I was one of the bests in class. I always went home not understanding why they were picking on me, why they were calling me fat, why there were picking on me because I was smart. I didn`t saw any of it as negative. But school became more and more a place for me where I didn`t want to go. And I think the biggest mistake my family could tell me was:
"Just ignore them and they will loose the interest in it"
I was raised in a way like that and not stepping up and telling them okay now you got to stop. So this continued for almost 2 years. After these two years I had begged my mom to talk to the teacher who knew the problem but who couldn`t do anything about it because girls are just girls if I could change into another class. The reaction we got was that it wasn`t possible that this is life and that I had to learn to live with it.
So I lived with it for another half a year until I was so fed up of this bullshit that I decided to not keep my mouth shut but to fire back and to fire back in a way that they wouldn`t have a chance to pick back at me. It was a plan that I had in my head for a while but the timing wasn`t right at that point and my self conscious was not existing. All I knew was that if someone hurts you you have the right to defend youself and with bullying I found the only thing that is helping is to fire back.
But lets continue this story. Age 11 I got a horse and suddenly became in for the cool girls. Suddenly they all wanted to be friends with me, but I wasn`t stupid all I said was "No, it is my horse and just because I am useful for you now it doesn`t mean I will let you use me!" They looked stupid and kept picking at me again. Now this could have been a step out of the bullying but I didn`t find it to be the right way, they wouldn`t have been real friends anyway.
So now I wasn`t just bullied  at school but also at my horses stable. The horse was too old. It wasn`t allowed to eat from the grass. It was looking ugly. I wasn`t heaving the right clothes. My shoes weren`t from the right brand. To put it in one word me and my horse were a shame for the riding club. But I was happy with my horse and I was already getting bullied at school so I soaked that in as well.
But this actually made me more confident, starting to getting used to it and getting a kiss my ass mentality was the key, the key was not caring what they thing about me. Thinking only of me and what my goal was. Showing them that I didn`t care about their opining. Starting 8th grade the first day of school the oh so cool anorexic girls started picking at me again and all I did was turning around and telling them what I thought about them and I remember exactly what I said:
"I get your jealousy I get it and I am really proud that you are jealous, that you are jealous that I have a mother who cares, a mother who teached me not to judge people up on their looks, a mother who makes me a lunch pack although she is working full time, a mother who feeds me food, a mother who sits down with me and helps me with my homework or finds me a tutor when she can`t help me herself, a mother who loves me and who teached to not hurt other people. I am really proud that I am not the one who is at risk of having to repeat a class each and every single year, I am proud to not being in need of stealing from other peoples lunch packs because I am so skinny because my parents didn`t care..." 
I basically went on like this until every single of these girls was crying. A day later they came and apologized for their behaviour. I took the apology and recommended them to not do it again because I will fight them back always, because I knew who I am and I knew their weaknesses. I also told them to better keep out of my way as I am not interested in being friends with them, because in my opinion you can think at this age enough and you see and you know when you are hurting a person on purpose just because of your own weaknesses, to make yourself feel stronger.

The bullying at my horses stable continued until the day I was gifted with leather riding shoes by mom. The girls came over "OH you got leather shoes? Which brand are these?" I told them the brand (they were expansive ones especially made for me but not the "in" brand) and they said "Well if it is that one we can`t talk with you"
I turned and fired back with a "Who actually told you that I am interested in talking to you or being friends with your little pathetic clique who needs to define themselves over clothes?"
They never ever again said a word about that and treated me with respect from that day on.

So what I will say is, of course you shouldn`t become a bully yourself and should hurt other people. But just staying quiet and accepting it will not help you. Step up for yourself and make your point on it clear, the easiest way to do so is finding their weakness and picking back. Usually picking really bad back one time is enough. My little cousin got bullied at school and it continued for almost all the years of primary school and got even worse when her parents brought it up at a class meeting. But she had same as me learned at home to always be nice and ignore it. Trust me when someone hurts you, it is your right to hurt them back. Bullys usually bully out of own weakness, at least that is what I usually saw in bullies and which also helped me getting out of the target zone.

After changing school I was only bullyed once again by one girl and I pretty fast found out why, I took her aside and told her that I knew her weak spot and that I would kindly ask her to stop picking on me as this wouldn`t help her with her family problems. She accepted it and we both went our ways. So as you can see I found my way out of it. 
And this is why I say believe in yourself and fight for yourself. You are not the problem they are.
I really hope this post helped you a bit. If you want to talk about it feel free to leave me a comment and I will be happy to help you or just be there to listen to you. 


Friday, January 15, 2016

Something special for you! Chapter 29

She didn`t just knew one delivery service but all of the delivery services in this area. She had sorted the flyers really well. First after culinary field, Italian kitchen, Thai, Chinese, Mexican, Indian and what else there was. Then they seemed to be sorted after personal preferences. She left the choice to me and so I was sitting there with a bunch of flyer. I decided to take the top flyers from each staple, as she had explained that those were the best from their category. The flyer from the Chinese restaurant told me that she ordered from there more often than from the others. It looked more used than the others.

“I decided on Chinese” I said and looked at Emma. She was searching for her Notebook, as well as some Paper and a pen.

“Okay just order something from the things that have already been marked for me and the Mini-Springrolls and then whatever you want to have”, she said taking her focus away from the magazine staple where she obviously hoped to find some paper and send me a smile.

While I was ordering the food she had found what she was looking for and had set it on the table. She had already started to write down the points our lists had in common. Hiking. Travelling. Doing good.
“The food will take about forty minutes” I said.

“Okay I have already started to write down the things we both want to do and I think we could combine them very well with the other points such as hiking in the National Park or the Mountains.”

“Hmm, we could also combine everything with a Roadtrip” I heared myself saying and saw her eyes sparkle again.

“Yes, we could look up where we want to go. Balu would have to come with us and we would have to think about how we are doing all this with him, of course. But the thought of combing everything with a Roadtrip had come to my mind as well.”

“We wouldn`t have to stop a different place every single day. We could stay everywhere for a week or longer. We could first go to a place where there is a Tivoli as well as a concert. Then we could go to a National Park to calm down a bit again. Then we could make our way to the mountains to go hiking. We could combine that with the camping point as well. Do you get what I mean? Nobody rushes us. We can take our time. We don`t need to do it in a hurry. We have the time to plan everything when it comes to the places we are going to. We can also stay spontaneous about when we are leaving. How long we are staying. If we like a place we stay. If we don`t like it we leave. And Balu is with us wherever we go. You don`t have to worry about him.”

He really has a good plan. I wouldn`t have thought that he had already thought about it that much. That he had thought it through. His words made me calm down. They made me feel safe. They made me sure that everything will work out fine.

Someone rang the doorbell and I jumped up as fast as I could opening the door and taking the order. I paid and gave the delivery guy a tip. He thanked me several times before he left.

“Who shall eat all of this?” I wondered as I was unpacking the bag putting everything on the kitchen counter.

“Just put everything on the table and we both take what we want” she said. She had obviously always ordered several dishes and by that tasted nearly half of the dishes on the menu. She has probably kept the leftovers for the next days as these portions were way to big to eat them on your own.

She went and got some plates and flatware. She set water as well as beer on the table. She got several spoons for the different dishes, so that we could pick from whatever we want to try. She took from my dish. I took from her dish.

“How did you manage to eat yourself through half of the menu in just a few weeks?” I asked her smiling.

“I just ordered 2-3 dishes at once and then tried from every single one of them. I warmed them up again the next day.” She explained. “Since we are two now we have a real chance on making it through the whole menu” she added smirking.

We both laughed. While we had dinner we talked about our plan. How we would do it. Where our Roadtrip would lead us. National Park. Mountains. Lakes. All the places where we were able to do the activities that are on our lists.

After we were done eating and cleaning up we sat down together on the couch in the livingroom. We started to do our research with the help of her notebook. She started searching for smalltowns that were having Tivolis right now or would have them in the near future. Emma took notes while was searching. Mostly I took her orders on what to search for. Once we had found some towns we were looking which ones would offer concerts at the same time to narrow it down. At the end there were still five on our list. We were looking at each other. Thinking. Then she came up with an idea. “Can you search for private holiday rentals a little bit outside or away from the center of these towns?” This was the right idea. While doing so we came across the perfect cabin in the woods and by that the city we would be going to. Our first stop was for sure this one. Emma wrote down the contact. We would call them tomorrow and rent the cabin.

After that we started to search for National Parks that weren`t too far away from that town. And we found one very fast. So we looked up cabins close to the park and wrote the contacts down. The Park was perfect. The offered a climbing park. Since Emma crossed sky diving from her list I would simply talk her into climbing.

From the map we could see that the mountains weren`t too far away from the National Park. So we were looking in that direction for a place to stay. A Cabin. Hiking trails and camping possibilities. We wrote everything down including the routes.

The last stop we planned was on a lake. In a lonely cabin. There we could try stand up paddleboarding. We still would have to find out where we could do the white water rafting, but the plan stood.

We both looked at the plan. Surprised about how how fast and good we had worked it out.

“We still need to make a list…” we both started the sentence and Emma finished it “about the things we need for the trip.”

“Okay,” I said, continuing “what about: a tent, a camping mat, a bedroll, a hiking backpack, hiking shoes…”

“Wait I can`t write that fast” Emma interrupted me. She had just come to bedroll so far. So I continued less fast.

“Snacks for the Drive. … Some travel essentials for Balu. … Especially food and a bed for him. … A travel pharmacy. …”

Emma did interrupt me again saying “First of all we need a car.” I had to laugh immediately. “I already have a car. We can take my truck. There is enough place for Balu in the backseat. And we can put the other stuff on the truck bed under the cover.”

“Well then…we are all fine” she said clearly relieved.

We kept writing on that list for a while before we noticed that it was already past midnight.

“Maybe we should call it a night” I said looking at the clock.

“Yes it was a long day” Emma said yawning. “But maybe we could meet tomorrow to buy some of the things on the list.”

“Yes. Sure. We should also call because of the cabin.” Emma did agree. We would have to do enough tomorrow But for now we called it a night and said goodbye to each other. We had a long day ahead of us and needed to rest.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Manhatten Soft Rouge Lipsticks!

Hi everyone!
Today I want to show you some of my new favourite Drugstore Lipstick, the Manhattan Soft Rouge Lipsticks.
I found these the other day at the store for 3,49€ which I found to be a super price considering that the maybelline and l`oreal lipsticks are all double the price and not more product, so why not give these a try I thought. I first bought one and then went back into the store a few days later to buy three more shades (one for my mom).
I have to say with this product you get no empty promises. The creamy texture reminds me of a lipbalm and keeps my lips moisturized all day. The colour payoff is great, I do though as usual apply two coats. The colour range depends on the store but they have quiet a lot of colours.
For me I have bought the shades 410 Soft Coral, 140 Nude Apricot and 650 Ra-Ra-Raspberry.
They are longlasting but not as longlasting as a high end one you definetly need to reapply them after drinking and eating. There is still product on but more of a shiny stain not a real lipcolour. The shine it gives you is definetly not wearing off.

410 Soft Coral is the perfect shade for me. Not too strong for my taste but it gives you a beautful colour on the lips. Usually I wouldn`t wear corals during fall or winter, but this one is so light and soft that it is wearable during the upcoming seasons as well.

140 Nude Apricot as some of you might know I rather like to have no lipstick on than wearing a nude. I do not like brownish nudes because they come off pretty red on my lips and the pinky nudes usually wear me off, I look totally sick wearing them. With this one I was actually surprised, the apricot undertone is wonderful and makes it for me so wearable, it is similar to the soft coral just much lighter and less orangy. It is definetly an every day lipstick and the colour payoff is again pretty good.

650 Ra-Ra-Raspberry (I love this name) is a berry nearly plumy shade just not as strong I would say. I love this for fall. It is beautiful with my NYX lippencil in Plum but also great on its own. I think this will become my fall/winter go to lipstick.

For my mom I bought the shade 260 Chai latte which is a beautiful brownish nude, definetly great if you are having a lot of redness in you skin which she does and it looks really great on her and has the same benefits as the other ones, it is just not a colour that suits me.

I will show you the swatches of the four shades I choose (three for me one for my mom) on my arm in the picture below.

So left to right we got the 260 Chai latte first, then we have the 410 Soft Coral, then the 650 Ra-Ra-Raspberry and last the 140 Nude Apricot.

So as you can see the Nude Apricot is a bit lighter than the soft coral but has a similar undertone just a bit more rose than coral I find.

What would your go to shades be? Let me know in the comments below and I hope you enjoyed this post.


Monday, January 11, 2016

Something special for you! Chapter 28

She had finished her breakfast. I looked at her with her list in my hand. Looking back and forth between the list and her before I determined and with her list waving in my hand said “We can already do one of these points today.”

I expected her to look more surprised, but obviously she already knew what we would be doing today. I didn`t know that she was sure that she would learn how to surf today.

“Okay, then teach me how to surf” she said determined and with anticipation. I could see how determined she was. So far I didn`t know anything about her unbounded ambition and perfectionism.

“Okay, then we will start with this and talk about the rest of the plan later during dinner?” It was a rhetorical question but Emma nodded her head in agreement anyways. We walked into the direction of the kiosk to get my surfboard. When I wanted to leave the area of the kiosk Emma just kept standing by the kiosk. I understood fast. “I assume you do not want to be seen while doing your first steps?” She nodded her head a little bit embarrassed while making her point clear with her hands on her waist. She did seem sure about not making herself look ridiculous in public. Good everybody had to do these steps when they learned it but she didn`t want to be seen by doing so. It already seemed to be embarrassing enough for her that I might see her fall or fail. She really did need to learn to relax more and care less about things she couldn`t change anyway. So we stayed behind the kiosk. Before we started I asked her completely out of nowhere if she could swim. This question was complete unnecessary. Did I really think that she couldn`t swim?

“Yes, I can swim” why did she sounded unsure? Why did she bite her lip after she answered? I looked at her skeptical but still smiling. Maybe I was skeptical because of her cooking skills from last night. I mean she seemed so self-conscious when she invited me for dinner and then proofed me that she had never cooked before.

“Do I have to proof it to you?” she asked while taking of her top and her shorts standing in a bikini right in front of me. She didn`t seem to care any longer about me seeing her scar. What I didn`t knew was that she had started to accept her scars and that she was sure that they would get lighter with time. I had to look at her scar but tried to focus my view on her face again, smiling at her. I was sure that she had seen how I had to swallow.

I didn`t know a thing about what went on in her head right now.

I haven`t told him about the accident yet. I should tell him about it. One day I will have to tell him about it, but it is not the right time to do so right now.

“You don`t have to proof anything to me, it would just be good if you wouldn`t drown once we are going into the water” my smile was provoking once I said it and she immediately started to laugh. I had this gift to make the best out of the worst and most uncomfortable situations. We both did laugh for a while before we started practicing. Balu had found himself a nice spot in the cool kiosk. I first showed her how to paddle. She let me know how stupid she felt during these dry exercises. Especially when she was lying on her stomach on the board paddling, but this was a step of the learning process. Without paddling no surfing. Luckily I released her from this exercise really fast. Once I saw that she knew what she had to do I showed her how to stand up on the board. I showed her how to pop up and where and how her feet had to stand. It was obviously that she thought that me doing it looked way easier than it was. She had lost her balance twice and was close to falling but I did catch her in time. And I again I didn`t know a thing about what went on in her head.

This looks all easier than it is. I need way more body tension than I thought. Well I will just have to try harder.

It was obvious that she tried her best. That she forced herself to push through and quicker than I thought she knew where her hands had to be to push herself up and how to push herself up. She knew where her feet have to stand, how to keep her knees bend at first and then slowly raise up, every muscle in her legs and her abs working and still flexible.

Now I know why surfer are always that well trained. This whole thing is harder than thought and than I would have ever expected.

She obviously didn`t notice how fascinated I was by her ambitiousness and her strength to keep going until she was able to do it. I was sure that she was ready to try it on the water. It would also give a cool break. By now the sun was burning and it had become really hot. I had also taken off my shirt by now. Nothing was more uncomfortable than to sweat your shirt full when you were at the beach.
“Do you want to try it in the water now?” I could see the spark in her eyes. She was jumping up and down of pure excitement.

I had never thought that I was already that far. Considering how careful he was so far I was sure that he wouldn`t let me try it in the water if he would think I wasn`t ready for it.

We went into the water. During her first trys she was lying in the water faster than she was able to look and think, but instead of giving up she laughed about herself and tried it again. And after a short time it worked and she was able to stand on the board. She did it over and over again and she enjoyed it. Obviously there were only tiny waves, that were just bringing her back to the beach and she was far away from being able to control where she was going but that was normal. She was taking her first steps and she did seem to love this feeling.

Another feeling that she didn`t seem to enjoy was her empty stomach. Time had flown by and it was already afternoon. Even if there was adrenaline rushing through her veins and she couldn`t get enough of it, she was exhausted and hungry. We went out of the water. She did seem to be freezing, she made herself as small as she could, rubbing her hands up and down her arms, running in place. I could see how cold she was feeling so I ran and grabbed her a towel. I put it around her shoulders and hold her for a while. I went with her into the sun and set down. Balu came running from the kiosk and laid himself down on her feet to warm her.
“I will go and grab us something warm to drink and eat” I said and came back with a warm tea, two bottles of water and sandwiches from the kiosk after a few minutes. Emma was warming herself up on the tea and enjoyed the sandwich while she was enjoying her view on the ocean and the sun reflecting in it.

It would take some time for her to dry but she had snuggled herself up in the towel and didn`t seem to freeze that much any longer. This silence of the ocean let us calm down too. We both enjoyed the view, saying nothing. Once her bikini was dry she stood up taking on her clothes. I gave her my sweatshirt as she was still feeling cold. I was feeling fine in my t-shirt. We were sitting like this at the beach for another two hours until the sun started to set.

“Shall we order some food? I know some really good delivery services,” she asked with a big smile on her face.

“I am in on it if we are working on the plan while we are waiting” I said. Emma agreed and we started to make our way to her house.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Happy New Year! - New Years Resolutions and Reflecting on 2015

Hi everyone!

First of all I need to wish you all a Happy New Year! I hope you had a great start into 2016.

After reading all this posts on New Years Resolutions or Reflecting on 2015 I thought I might do this a different way.
This will be about reflecting on 2015 but on reflecting what happened in the past anyway. This will be about resolutions but not really New Years Resolutions. This will just be me telling you what I think about all that.

I think we all know the feeling of saying things we want to change with the beginning of a new year. And we all know how disappointed we be when we don`t achieve that.
I learned in the past year that it is okay to have goals but also that we shouldn`t stress about them. Make a plan yes, maybe, but for somethings I think it is easier to start right away. I know for sure that there will or can always be things that come into our way destroying our plans.
Getting diagnosed with several chronic illnesses January 2015 was for sure not a plan or goal of mine, but it happened. Feeling unwell and sick has teached me so much last year although it is not a good thing, but learning from it for life definetly is a good thing.
So when I say start right away I mean do it. Don`t talk about just do what you can everyday. If becoming a better person in 2016 is a plan of years and you already made this point in December 2015 why didn`t you start right away? I mean this is nothing which is bound to a special year. Do what you can each and every single day. Even a smiling a person that you do not know can change their day. So why wait for 2016? So that you can wake up January 1st totally hungover progastinating this point for that day and then completely forgetting it on the 2nd?

For instance one of my all time goals since I am sick is to become healthier and fitter, to loose weight and tone up.
So with that said I decided in December to no matter what join the Tone it up Challenge in January, which is an 8 Week Fitness Challenge. Since I am having a cold since October I really cut down on working out and miss it but health comes first. And of course I was worried I wouldn`t get this cold away by the start of the challenge which I of course haven`t (yes I am still having it). But once I had decided on doing the challenge I immediately cut back on sweets and mostly carbs, but also on things like mayonnaise to not miss it too much during the Challenge. So even if I do not work out now, but I follow the Challenge by following the Nutrition Plan, by eating healthy and cutting down my portion sizes again. I still do not work out, but I will make up for it as soon as I feel better again.

So as you can see as soon as I set my mind on it I started to work towards it every single day as good as I could. Because I knew the struggle would be harder just jumping into it.

So if you are smoker and you want to stop smoking as a new years resolution and you have already quit that resolution by now. Maybe think of that you can still reach that goal by just cutting it down. Maybe smoke one cigarette less than yesterday, just gradually change it the way you can.
It is what I did with my candy addiction.

All I say is. Don`t make these goals just to get disappointed by not reaching them. Stay realistic work on it every single day as good as you can. If you have a throwback now worries. Just get back into it. It is normal. Make yourself matter, without any pressure. I know there are people that might tell you "well wasn`t your goal to loose weight this year?"- yes and it still is but change isn`t happening in one day. It is a process and we will all get there.

So with that said. Don`t stress, take one step at a time and believe in yourself. Be happy, Love your life. It is way to short to worry about what you could have done. Just go for it when you feel for it. And stop regretting.


Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Something special for you! Chapter 27

Once I came to the beach I noticed that Scott was already there. Balu was running towards him and Scott immediately started to play with him until I reached them.

“Did you already had breakfast?” Scott asked me looking up to me while still playing with Balu. I shaked my head. “Okay wait here. Just for a second, I will be right back.” Scott ran towards the kiosk while I sat down in the sand together with Balu. After a few Minutes Scott came back with breakfast. He didn`t just brought breakfast for us. He got Balu something as well.

We were sitting beside each other unwrapping our breakfast. Before we started to eat Scott took his list out of his pocket and I did the same.
“Why don`t you read mine before I read yours?” Scott asked me and passed me his list. I passed him mine so that we both could read the others list while eating.

His list is short, but one point seems to be a bigger one. I am sure it will take us some time. I have two of his points on my list as well. He is probably thinking I am spoiled as my list is so long, but the goal was to find yourself and this was something everyone does in a different way. The way I got to know Scott I am sure he won`t judge me anyway, but I still have this feeling of being constantly judged in my head. After all this years it will take some time until I will stop caring and thinking about it.

What I didn`t know was what Scott was thinking while reading my list. That there was one point on my list that caught Scotts eye immediately. Surfing. Once he read it he knew that this point would be already done today, but he continued reading before he said something. My list was longer than his but he immediately noticed that he wanted to try and experience some of the things I had written down as well. He had already tried and experienced some of the points, but he could imagine to do them again. Another thing he noticed reading my list was that my wish for a Roadtrip and his wish for travelling would connect perfectly. All this was something we would talk about in detail later that day.

Monday, January 4, 2016

Fave music

Hi everyone!

Someone asked me to write a post on my favourite music and especially on workout music. So this is what todays post will be about.
Music for me is an emotional thing, so during my spare time (when I do not work out) I look a lot on the lyrics and maybe a bit less on the music itself as most times if the lyrics are good the music is good for me too. I am actually not having some kind a special genre I like to listen to, I just have some genres I absolutely do not like to listen to (heavy metal, schlager, operas). So with that said I think I will mention some of my favourite artists of the moment and some all time favourites and then get into my current workout playlist (or alltime workout playlist) and last but not least my favourite playlist.

Alltime Favourites:
Bruce Springsteen, Muse, Gavin DeGraw, (newly but hopefully staying) James Bay, Phil Collins, The Fray, One Republic, Backstreet Boys (I grew up in the 90s so it has to be a at least one Boyband in this list), Robbie Williams, Adele, Josh Groban, Linkin Park, Fall out Boy, Sarah Connor, Christina Aguilera, Ed Sheeran, Joe Cocker (yes I cried when he died), Maroon 5, Bruno Mars

and probably some others I just forgot to mention.

Current Favourites (but maybe not lasting):
Avicii, Ellie Golding, Sam Smith, Meghan Trainor, Jessie J, maybe some others but I do not remember their names so they are definetly more short term, otherwise I would have looked the names up ;)

My workout playlist:
My Tone it up Playlist on Spotify
and I will post the songs here as well for those of you that do not have spotify (if you have spotify go to the link and skip this part)
Mark Ronson, Bruno Mars - Uptown Funk
Fifth Harmony, Kid Ink - Worth it
Walk the Moon - Shut up and Dance
Jessie J, Ariana Grande - Bang Bang
HOLYCHILD - Running Behind
Tove Lo - Talking Body (Gryffin Remix)
Fall Out Boy - Centuries
Flo Rida, Lookas, Sage the Gemini - GDFR
Pitbull, Ne-yo - Time of our lives
Zola Jesus - Hunger
Wyclef Jean, Avicii - Divine Sorrow
Wolf Gang - Lay your love down
Avicii, Robbie Williams - the days
Youngblood Hawke - We come running
COIN - Run
Lunchmoney Lewis - Bills
Coleman Hell - 2 Heads
Krewella - Somewhere to run
Avicii - Waiting for love
Will Sparks, Wiley, Elen Levon - Ah yeah so what
Vigiland, Tham sway - Shots & Squats
Felix Jaehn, Jasmine Thompson - Ain`t nobody (Loves me better)
Calvin Harris, Ellie Golding - Outside
Ellie Golding - Goodnes Gracious
Jason Derulo - Want to want me
MKTO - Bad Girls
Florence & The Machines - Delilah
Icona Pop - Emergency
Shepherd - Geronimo
MKTO - Classic
Jess Glynne - Hold my hand
Big Data, Joywave - Dangerous
Galantis - Peanut butter and Jelly
Meghan Trainor - Dear Future Husband
Meghan Trainor - All about that bass
Erik Hassle - No words
Gin Wigmore - Written in the water
Rachel Platten - Fight song
Panic! At the Disco - Hallelujah
The Mowgli`s - I`m good
Shaggy, Eve - Girls just wanna have fun

My absolute and alltime favourites:
My all time favourite spotify playlist

I put this into a playlist for all of you as I think it would be a bit to long to write them all down and as I am adding up on this over the years you will always be updated if you follow that playlist.

So I hope this post gave you a little insight in what music I like and what I listen too. I hope you enjoyed it and maybe found some inspiration.


Friday, January 1, 2016

Something special for you! Chapter 26

I did sleep well but I woke up early anyways. I went straight down into the kitchen to write my list. I decided to simply start writing. I was sure that I wasn`t able to sort in a better way than it would come to my mind. So I started.

Concerts and by concerts I mean rock concerts. Concerts that where a local band plays in some small dark and dusty local club or pub. So far I have only been to classic concerts, rock music was nothing for my family. But once you listen to the music on my Ipod you for sure now that music has nothing to do with the social class you belong to or which gender you are. Music was individual for everyone.

I had to think of Scott when I wrote down the second point of the list. Surfing. I wanted to learn surfing. I am sure he would like this point. I always wanted to learn how to surf. I already have this wish since I am a teenager. Surfer always look as free as birds. They seem to be completely by themselves such as people who practice yoga. On the other hand they seem to be total adrenaline junkies because you could never know what to expect at least I thought you could never know what to expect. After all Mother Nature is unpredictable.
As much as I wanted to learn how to Surf I wanted to try stand up paddleboarding. It seemed less dangerous and adventurous as surfing but it seemed relaxing and calming and by this was a perfect alternative to surfing if I wouldn`t like it.

Since I already started with the water sports I simply continued with them. Next point on my list was white water rafting. It was something I was scared of, but we could do it together and the thought of doing it together made it so much less scary.

I wrote down skydiving. Once I had written it down I canceled the word again, because I was afraid of the height. I had fallen down the diving tower as a child and since then I avoided everything that was high.
I went over to the next point. Hiking. Something I already wanted to do as a child as well. Since it included getting dirty and not looking perfect it never came up in my family. To that point I wrote camping because this as well was never a topic in my family. I would never go camping on my own. It is simply to dangerous but together with Scott I could do it. Another thing I always wanted to do was to visit a national park. I never spend much time in the nature and I wanted to see and enjoy the beauty of nature in its most untouched form. Once I had written down this point it came to my mind that I had never been to a Tivoli so I wrote down this point as well. These colorful lights and the joy people experienced always fascinated me. I also wanted to give something back to the world. My parents donated the usual when they went to charity dinners but they never got involved personally. They never controlled if the money arrived at the right people. They simply did their social duty. I wanted to make up for what my parents missed. I wanted to give something back personally, say thank you for the luck I had and share it.

My last point was the biggest point of all. A ROADTRIP. I just wanted to drive around. Get to know new places. Stay at the places I liked. Get to know places you do not find on your usual travels. In addition to all that I was sure that a Roadtrip would make the points mentioned above complete.

There was one point I decided on not writing it down. I had never been in love so far but this point didn`t belong on this list. This point would be in my thoughts and in my heart until the time was right. I folded my list. Then I went to take a shower. I decided to blow dry my hair before I had to make a decision on what to wear. I decided on wearing a bikini. He had seen my one scar anyway why not show him the other scar as well? I mean after all I was going to the beach. I put on my favorite shorts and a white loose top. I put the list in my bag took Balu on the leash and went with him down to the beach. I couldn`t wait to make this plan. To make this plan with Scott. This plan that would make all my dreams and wishes come true.