Monday, January 18, 2016

How I experienced and escaped bullying

Hi everyone!

So todays post is up a bit late. I thought back and forth wether to put it up or not. I decided on putting it up no matter what in the end. Some of you may know I have been sick these past weeks and in bed with pneumonia trying to prepare myself for exams and the situation is still the same, so I hope you are  not mad when some posts may not be up on time. I will deliver when I am completely fine again and have the time and strength to do so.

But now back again to this post. What made my decision clear on putting it out there was a conversation with one of my best friends who went through all of this from 5th to 8th grade with me. I recently had a chat with her about it and she told me that she was seriously surprised about how I dealed with it, how I went through it and how I stayed strong, because she wasn`t. She got pretty sick from it (she got anorexia) and it is mainly due to our conversation that I am putting this up. Lets put it how it is her story encouraged me to put up my story to maybe help you or just to get the discussion going.

So today I am back with a more serious post as I experience more and more that in today world bullying is an issue, while it actually shouldn`t.
I have a history being bullyed myself but thankfully I found a way to escape it and I think that this is actually a key that can help a lot of people, although it might not be the best and most polite way but in a situation like this I think politeness isn`t the most important thing. I will come to my story in a bit. But first of all if you are being bullied I want you to know, that this by no means is your fault, nothing is wrong with you, you are totally fine, you are beautiful inside out, just for the fact that you are not a bully. You are you, love yourself for that and by no means change yourself to become one of the cool kids.
I am not going to say in this post directly what I think about bullys, because I do not see why I should help them becoming better persons, it would just be wasting my time.

So on to my story which started in 5th grade. In primary school I was well integrated I knew a lot of my classmates from kindergarden and only had a few kids with issues in my class and by that I mean kids that early on were very physical which mainly resulted in the atmosphere they had at home, but that is another thing. So I was the only kid from my primary school class that went to the gymnasium and I didn`t knew any of the kids in my new class, which probably already made me an easy target for the clique that picked on later on. I found two friends very easily but we all got picked on. The main reason was that we didn`t look anorexic. One of the girls was overweight, but I wasn`t at that point, but I still got picked on for not being skinny enough and by that not cool enough for that clique. After the first class tests they started picking on me because I was one of the bests in class. I always went home not understanding why they were picking on me, why they were calling me fat, why there were picking on me because I was smart. I didn`t saw any of it as negative. But school became more and more a place for me where I didn`t want to go. And I think the biggest mistake my family could tell me was:
"Just ignore them and they will loose the interest in it"
I was raised in a way like that and not stepping up and telling them okay now you got to stop. So this continued for almost 2 years. After these two years I had begged my mom to talk to the teacher who knew the problem but who couldn`t do anything about it because girls are just girls if I could change into another class. The reaction we got was that it wasn`t possible that this is life and that I had to learn to live with it.
So I lived with it for another half a year until I was so fed up of this bullshit that I decided to not keep my mouth shut but to fire back and to fire back in a way that they wouldn`t have a chance to pick back at me. It was a plan that I had in my head for a while but the timing wasn`t right at that point and my self conscious was not existing. All I knew was that if someone hurts you you have the right to defend youself and with bullying I found the only thing that is helping is to fire back.
But lets continue this story. Age 11 I got a horse and suddenly became in for the cool girls. Suddenly they all wanted to be friends with me, but I wasn`t stupid all I said was "No, it is my horse and just because I am useful for you now it doesn`t mean I will let you use me!" They looked stupid and kept picking at me again. Now this could have been a step out of the bullying but I didn`t find it to be the right way, they wouldn`t have been real friends anyway.
So now I wasn`t just bullied  at school but also at my horses stable. The horse was too old. It wasn`t allowed to eat from the grass. It was looking ugly. I wasn`t heaving the right clothes. My shoes weren`t from the right brand. To put it in one word me and my horse were a shame for the riding club. But I was happy with my horse and I was already getting bullied at school so I soaked that in as well.
But this actually made me more confident, starting to getting used to it and getting a kiss my ass mentality was the key, the key was not caring what they thing about me. Thinking only of me and what my goal was. Showing them that I didn`t care about their opining. Starting 8th grade the first day of school the oh so cool anorexic girls started picking at me again and all I did was turning around and telling them what I thought about them and I remember exactly what I said:
"I get your jealousy I get it and I am really proud that you are jealous, that you are jealous that I have a mother who cares, a mother who teached me not to judge people up on their looks, a mother who makes me a lunch pack although she is working full time, a mother who feeds me food, a mother who sits down with me and helps me with my homework or finds me a tutor when she can`t help me herself, a mother who loves me and who teached to not hurt other people. I am really proud that I am not the one who is at risk of having to repeat a class each and every single year, I am proud to not being in need of stealing from other peoples lunch packs because I am so skinny because my parents didn`t care..." 
I basically went on like this until every single of these girls was crying. A day later they came and apologized for their behaviour. I took the apology and recommended them to not do it again because I will fight them back always, because I knew who I am and I knew their weaknesses. I also told them to better keep out of my way as I am not interested in being friends with them, because in my opinion you can think at this age enough and you see and you know when you are hurting a person on purpose just because of your own weaknesses, to make yourself feel stronger.

The bullying at my horses stable continued until the day I was gifted with leather riding shoes by mom. The girls came over "OH you got leather shoes? Which brand are these?" I told them the brand (they were expansive ones especially made for me but not the "in" brand) and they said "Well if it is that one we can`t talk with you"
I turned and fired back with a "Who actually told you that I am interested in talking to you or being friends with your little pathetic clique who needs to define themselves over clothes?"
They never ever again said a word about that and treated me with respect from that day on.

So what I will say is, of course you shouldn`t become a bully yourself and should hurt other people. But just staying quiet and accepting it will not help you. Step up for yourself and make your point on it clear, the easiest way to do so is finding their weakness and picking back. Usually picking really bad back one time is enough. My little cousin got bullied at school and it continued for almost all the years of primary school and got even worse when her parents brought it up at a class meeting. But she had same as me learned at home to always be nice and ignore it. Trust me when someone hurts you, it is your right to hurt them back. Bullys usually bully out of own weakness, at least that is what I usually saw in bullies and which also helped me getting out of the target zone.

After changing school I was only bullyed once again by one girl and I pretty fast found out why, I took her aside and told her that I knew her weak spot and that I would kindly ask her to stop picking on me as this wouldn`t help her with her family problems. She accepted it and we both went our ways. So as you can see I found my way out of it. 
And this is why I say believe in yourself and fight for yourself. You are not the problem they are.
I really hope this post helped you a bit. If you want to talk about it feel free to leave me a comment and I will be happy to help you or just be there to listen to you. 

♥Nadja

2 comments:

  1. So glad you stood up for yourself! That is ALWAYS the problem with bullies - they only pick on someone who won't defend themselves, and they get shocked when people actually do!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your comment.
      You are absolutely right. As soon as they know you are not as weak as they thought they stop. Especially as they usually have the worst insecurities themselves.

      Delete